Anxious about being anxious

Hello there and thank you for taking the time to read this. Now that I've started, I feel like it'll be somewhat theraputic just putting my feelings down in words. I've never suffered from the amount of stress and anxiety I'm dealing with right now in my life. I like to think I'd always been able to manage my stress in a somewhat healthy manner. However, recent events in my life that I won't go into detail for the time being have thrown me for a loop.

My anxiety is worry about certain vulnerable people in my life. My life has always been anchored with a certain responsibility for others and at times like this that anchor is overwhelming. I want to run away and forget everything, I think how much easier and wonderful my life would be if I didn't have these burdensome responsibilities. How unfair it is and how much I've missed out on normal life and normal things that people do. But then these thoughts consume me with guilt because these people are in the same situation. It's my job to protect them and not only do I feel as I've failed but they've also missed out on some of life's most normal and basic things and connections.

I don't believe I've ever felt lonier and yet I know there are people far worse off than me and so this all feels so selfish. I want to scream, shout and cry and there isn't even a place to do that. A place to grieve and let out all these turbulent emotions festering inside me. I've always been a lone wolf, handled everything that's thrown my way. And all I want is some normality and it feels more and more like peace will always allude me.

Thank you again for reading and I hope this helps people realise they're not alone.