Apathy?

Have you ever felt like nothing really matters? Like, you don't feel the effects of depression but you just don't really care about anything?

I wonder if this is what I have. I function on a normal level, and my doctor rules out depression for my cause, but I often feel like nothing matters to me much. Stuff like school, social life's, career choices, I find it very hard to get excited about that kind of stuff.

I don't know if it's because of my lack of social contact other than my family, or if it is because I'm afraid. Afraid of the real world and what happens. Being a commuter student from my parents house, I've never experienced the struggles of some college students. I've never known what it's like to be poor. I'm sheltered, in a sense. And I wonder if it negatively affected me.

I wish I knew why I felt this way. But I've never changed anything. I would settle and tell myself "it is what it is". I've always just rolled with the punches and adapted, but it never really led to anything.

I've lived in a constant cycle. School, work, alone time, repeat. I don't leave my house for social events. Most of my time is spent on my own.

But I plan to break this cycle somehow. Someday, but not today. Or at least I hope.

This really isn't an advice thread. I've just been doing some introspection before bed and this is what I wrote.