Bleh
I think I have ptsd. I used to be in a really abusive relationship and it still affects me to this day. I always watch what I do to avoid seeing them and I go out of my way to make sure I dont. Even if someone looks similar to them I freak out and spiral and now here I am. I shake uncontrollably, go completely numb, bleh
That definitely seems rough 
Have you considered making an appointment for a potential diagnosis of PTSD?
@BigWaves
The greatest thing you could overcome is trauma through a relationship. We know that abusers get away with alot during the relationship, and we cant understand why they still affect us post break up. The first step is to love you and connect with you and get some support, is there a group therapy that you can go to locally? take each day step by step and look into the 7cups mindfulness page, there are some pretty cool calming meditations there that even I use. I hope that things get better soon
