Bullied and isolated
I came from an abusive and dsyfunctional family growing up. I thought there wouldn't be bullies after high school, but I still meet quite a few during my working life. I tried my best to be nice and I later learnt that nice is a remedy that backfires if done without healthy boundaries. I've encountered, rudeness, condescending tone of voice, projecting, triangulation, gossip, rumors, etc.
Some of the things the haters said got stuck in my head:
- she's a loner,
- she has no friends.
- Nobody likes her
Some of the most hurtful advice I've hurt are: "just get over it", "you deserve it", "you're to blame for everything that happened".
These things run in my head everyday, it stops me from wanting to socialise or connect with people. And sometimes, I feel that people didn't know me, project some the negatives on me.
i feel imprisoned in these negative thoughts. I hope fellow contributors can share some perspectives.
@cutepanda008 Hi, hope you're doing well!
I'm sorry you had to deal with bullying, I was bullied too as a teen and I'm not gonna lie- it sucked and effed up my self- esteem for a long time. However, there are some things that I've realised about the whole situation that I thought I would share: 1. Being kind is a great quality to have but you have to remember to be kind to yourself too. The most important part is to start treating yourself like you treat others- with kindness and undestanding. Why? Because you deserve it as much as anyone else! I presume you wouldn't be truly rude to someone for no reason other than knowing them too well, it's the same thing with yourself. You are worth as much as everyone else, so love yourself for who you are, what you've achieved so far and how strong you are- cause you are for dealing with this situation and I'm proud of you. The journey to self-love is hard and I've only recently started making serious progress myself, just remember that loving yourself is NOT selfish.
2. Do you really value those people's opinions? I know having to deal with other's rudeness is really annoying but at the end of the day would you really want to be friends with people like that? I know I wouldn't. They're probably dealing with their own self-esteem issues and personal problems, which is why they're acting that way. But not everyone deals with the problems by being rude and judgemental of others so I wouldn't value neither their opinion nor them as people.
3. Lastly, I thought I would share what personally stopped/ changed my negative thought patterns. It will sound stupid and simple but it has made a huge difference in my life. I was searching for self-help tips online when I stumbled upon a description of how cognitive-behavioral-therapy works and tried to apply it to myself (not saying this is at all a substitute for therapy, and seeing a mental health professional is something I would still advice you to do, this is just something additional that I tried and it worked). I started by recognising and analysing/ undestanding my usual negative thought patterns (NTP). Then I used facts and logic to explain to myself why what I was thinking was an assumption and not true. Then I simply offered myself some more helpful, kind and compassionate advice. I took 2 minutes after every time my NTP were repeated to do the above things and it has made me have a much healthier perscpective and mentality than the I used to have.
So yeah, that's my perspective on this, sorry for rumbling!
@ilovecappuccino thank you for your perspective, i appreciate you, it helps :)
Hello @cutepanda008 I understand how hurtful it can be when you get called names ans things like loner and having no friends, etc. I can relate with most of the things being said, it hurts for sure and we can't always ignore people. Sometimes we just run out of the strength that keeps us strong and ignorant of these people. I won't really give you any advice or something, cause I know saying things like "try this" Or "try that" doesn't really help many times because most of the time it's not possible for people to do exactly what we say. Sometimes just supporting people through tough times and just being there for them helps. I hope it gets okay with you <3
@cutepanda008 I don't know that I have any advice. But I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I am male and 54 years of age, and have been on a medical leave due to workplace bullying and harassment for several months. I never thought it would happen to me, and have felt very humiliated by this experience. Things can seem really horrible, but they do get better. It just takes time. I know I get frustrated a lot. But be kind to yourself, and hang in there :-)
@nitelad Sorry to hear that it happened to you too.. This shouldn't have happened to anyone.. I wish u lots of love and blessings. Thank u for the encouragement, despite going through so much.
@cutepanda008
I'm SO sorry to hear that. I went through bullying myself growing up and I know it's hard! I still hear the things they said in my head. At first, they played in my head all the time. Throughout the years, it's gradually gotten less and less.
Do you have a good group of friends? For me personally, I've really just cut out the negative people from my adult life. I don't have time for people who don't know how to be nice. And if your coworkers are rude and condescending, maybe you could find a healthier work environment! Depending on your job and situation, of course. But is it worth it to go somewhere every day where you get bullied?
I think you're definitely in the right place. This site seems to be full of friendly, uplifting people! Keep talking to us and let us support you. But I'm completely confident that you can find good people out there! All it takes is one person to change everything.