Can
I have this huge issue. I feel I cant be alone. I get so depressed. For ex. I broke up with a guy a couple weeks back and I feel I cant be alone. I feel like this every time Im in between relationships. I know I need to learn how to be alone but it doesnt come to me naturally. Im a very social person and solitude is hard for me. Has anyone else had this problem? Any suggestions on how to deal with it? Thank you.
@brightPlace8462 I knew and was friends with someone who was like this. What I will share applied to what I observed in her but may not apply to you (so feel free to disregard!).
She was desperate to be in a relationship because she was very "external." Much of her validation came from social interactions: she loved big parties, would not shut off her computer or sign off her chat apps (and so was always "available"), would often fight very hard in relationships until the guy finally said, "I'm done, don't contact me anymore" or similar when breaking up with her.
She was not happy with herself. I always thought she thought she'd be "complete" if she found the perfect life partner but the problem was he didn't/doesn't exist. She was/is very high maintenance emotionally and I think her partners just couldn't deal with that (and they were justified in that). So she'd go through periods of being "I'm forever alone" and similar, without possibly ever realizing how much work she had to put into herself.
The best advice I can give is to continue to be social, but on a platonic level. Do things you enjoy. Join stuff like Meetup or other local groups in your area. Volunteer if possible. That way you can be social and you might find you can at least be somewhat fulfilled in that way. It may help you self-reflect or at least give you time until you move on.
Good luck!
@ReadBooksDrinkTea
@ReadBooksDrinkTea
Thank you for your thoughtful response and advice. Some things resonated with me but not all. For example, I dont use social media at all. Im pretty active after work; I even started my own meetup group. The more I thought about this issue yesterday I think it stems from my childhood and teenage years. I took care of my parents (had unhealthy family situation) and I felt kind of abandoned. I think thats why I want to be taken cars of. But knowing the source is not helping me fix this feeling. I admit some days are worse like yesterday and thats the reason for the post, other days are better, like today. Once again, thanks for your feedback!
