Child refusing to go to school
I'm not sure where to put this, as it could fall into the caregiver, ADHD or anxiety categories, so maybe I'll post it in all of them.
Anyway, my eight year old son has anxiety and ADHD. I was really struggling to get him to go to school last year, though I didn't blame him for not wanting to go, as his teacher was scary. I used to have to physically drag him, kicking and screaming, until I figured that was just wearing both of us out, and destroying the trust between us.Since then, we've moved and his in a wonderful new school with a teacher that he likes, and he's been diagnosed with ADHD and started on medication, which also seems to have improved things. Things were going really well...
The past month or so, he started to refuse to go to school. Any reasons he would give me, I would find reasonable solutions for, and he would come up with some other excuse. He says he will only go if I get him certain toys and expensive electronics, which is clearly out of the question. Smaller incentives don't seem to motivate him, and taking away privileges just causes him to go into a violent rage, or crumple into an unresponsive ball. Once he actually gets to school, he's usually fine, but I can't seem to get him there. Physically forcing him just isn't an option anymore. I've tried calmly explaining to him the importance of going to school. Iempathisewith how it makes you feel trapped to go and do the same boring thing everyday when all you can think about is what you'd rather be doing. I just can't figure out how to get to the bottom of this.
Okay... So I am no expert, however, I do personally have ADHD and anxiety (and other things including slightly dyslexic) I have always found it very very difficult to go to school... And indeed I remember my mother trying everything. Forcing me... Dragging me... Trying to explain... And nothing really helped... It's still tough for me... And it was especially hard to know that school was important but feel as if I couldn't go.
I have tried all sorts of different schools and stuff, I'm now in year 10 and Homeschooling... However for most people homeschooling is really not an option. I believe you have tried so much... But I truly encourage you to praise the tiny improvements... It's almost like teaching a kid to say please and thank you or even training a dog... I do not know your son but I can try to tell you things the best I know them...
It also may be a form of panic... That could explain why he's usually fine once he gets into class... It may help to be able to have the teacher or one(some) of his friends from class come and walk in with him... That way he might feel more wanted and accepted by the class even before he gets inside...
I'm not sure... But whatever you do.. DONT PUT YOURSELF DOWN IF IT DOESNT WORK! You'll only wear yourself out... Also notice little improvements and praise him for them...
I hope I helped...
I'd love to help in any way I can...
When I was a child I didn't want to go to school, it started when I was about 8 and continued until I left school at 16, so I can relate to how your son may be feeling. But I can also understand how incredibly upsetting and stressful it must be for you, i look back and realise how much it upset my mum that I wouldnt go to school.Like your son I was always fine when I got to school, but as a child I suffered with anxiety when I was separated from my mother, which I think is partly why I didn't want to go to school. Perhaps he doesn't want to be separated from you. My issues stemmed from my father dying when I was 6, making me extra dependant on my mum. Perhaps your son has become equally dependant on you for some reason? Either way, you're doing nothing wrong and I really do have a deep well of compassion for you. I would suggest breaking down the morning routine into smaller chunks of time. For example why don't you make a chart with your son outlining the steps of getting ready for school, like 1. Get washed 2. Get dressed 3. Eat breakfast. Let him pick which order the list goes in and that way he might feel more in control and perhaps less overwhelmed. It makes going to school seem less intimidating, as he's not focussing on the end goal of school, but instead focussing on all the little steps in between. I would also suggest making a star chart next to the list, and sticking a star sticker next to each task as he checks it off in the morning so he feels a sense of achievement.
If all that fails try telling him that if he goes to school and decides he wants to come home that he can, as he's usually fine when he gets to school it may help. As a child I felt trapped in school, knowing I had the option to get out if I really needed to would have made it easier to attend regularly I think.
i must stress that I'm no expert and only have personal experience is go by and you obviously must do what feels right for you and your son. I really hope I've helped and I wish you lots of luck. Mothers deserve medals.
