Emotionally weak?
I feel like I can't handle rude behaviour nor mistakes. At all.
When people tell me derogatory things, whether it's about me or not, I just cannot handle it. I think about it for weeks. Especially if someone thinks I'm wrong for correcting them on it. It touches something very personal in me. I take things to heart easily, so when these kind of things happen, I can't stop thinking about it. I even pretend to argue with the same rude person in my head, saying things I should've said.
Also, mistakes. Mistakes are what I hang on to, as well. I can't stop thinking about how I could've handled something better, or done it with more wisdom involved. Regret then comes to join the unfortunate party of doubt dancing around in my head all day, and all night. If only I could file a noise complaint in there. This kind of thing just goes on for what feels like forever. It's almost a rarity that I forget, or nearly forget a mistake.
I really need help learning how to let go, how not to dwell on all of the hate that I've heard and the mistakes/regret that I feel. Of course it is important not to completely forget those experiences for future learning purposes, obviously. Ignoring hate IS NOT the answer. Ingnoring my mistakes isn't either. But I need to stop giving it all of my attention.
@BlueDusk99 Nope, you're not emotionally weak. I'm also not here for hate or being derogatory. Left unchallenged it simply emboldens the person because they take silence for complicity or assent. If no one's challenging them, they either don't care/agree/won't step up.
I hang onto mistakes, too. Could I have prevented it? How should I have handled it better? What can I do to change things in the future?
You're not alone!
@ReadBooksDrinkTea
Thanks again for your help. I just need to learn to punish myself less with these memories, and moments in time.
Teach yourself to let go by understanding that no one's opinion actually matters, not mine, not yours, not anyone's, you have a small portion of time to live on this earth, spend it wisely, by spending it between you and those you love and create good memories, instead of focusing on those things that fundamentally doesn't matter to anyone, it'll improve how you feel.
You'll have to accept hateful comments for what they are, which is nothing, empty comments left somewhere to be forgotten, they do not change your life, it's being said by a person that you've never met, and wont ever meet, and that you don't care about, and nor do they care about you, maybe they had a rough time at work? a bad day in general? that's the most common reason people bite at each other online to destress, perhaps it doesn't excuse their behavior, but i wouldn't have it any other way personally, it's better that they lash out online than in real life, we've all got to realize that we're better than the people we portray online, and we have to work at those things that make us better people, to obtain personal strength through empathy, and sympathy for people of all walks of life, even those who want to do us ill will, to come to an understanding of what drives people, and to accept that everyone is different, that no one can be you, and can completely relate to you.
Maybe i'm wrong, but that is how i lead my life and i haven't felt personally attacked by any hate comments in years, i simply don't care and just hope whoever left the comment in the first place improves their day.
Just my two cents.
@PerpetuallyKekastrophic
Thank you so much. Your advice is extremely helpful. I don't have any social media (well I guess I have one, but it's not really like the typical social media accounts). Although I was referring to hateful comments, I was also talking about real life experiences of knowing and meeting hateful people. I will definitely try to remind myself of your great tips.
As for me replaying my mistakes in my head, I need to figure out how to stop holding on to that, too.
@BlueDusk99 No worries, i hope it works out for you, the stronger you get, the more likely you are to grow a wider perspective of the world around you, which might ultimately lead to a positive end result not only for yourself, but the people you surround yourself with.
I'm also unfortunate enough to live with hateful people, some of which can never be changed because of their mental conditions (manipulative psychopaths, sociopaths, and etc) if there is another great tip i would leave you with, the it would be researching some basic psychology articles on the web about human behavior (only trusted sources though!), especially spiteful behavior, the more you know about the mind, the more you know about dealing with situations like these.
@BlueDusk99
wow, I really thought I was the only one who was like this. everything you just said is me in a nutshell, whenever someone says something negative even the smallest thing I always shut up but take it so close to heart, and then later arguing in the head with them? I do the exact same thing, but whenever I bring it up with them they get mad and then I feel like it was my fault in the first place for bringing anything up. I always tell myself I was probably overreacting and end up letting it go until something else comes up. But I never really knew what to do with it, or that there were other people with the same problems.
@jpgkiki
Welcome to 7Cups! I'm glad you found this post. I hope some of the helpful comments in this thread can help you. It is really annoying focusing on these things for too long, especially if or when they keep coming up. I know I need to help myself now and hopefully you can, too.
@BlueDusk99
Honestly I feel like I could have written this post because I feel so much the same way when people are rude to me. What has helped me not feel so bad is I immediately start thinking about the people in my life who love/like me, and are kind to me and support or have supported me. Even if I only knew them briefly. Because then I can go "forget this rude person, I have all of these other people who are awesome!"
Sometimes I admit it doesn't work because I am very hard on myself in general, but I do try it. :)
@BlueDusk99
Hey! When I read this it's like you read my mind! I do the EXACT same.
What I see is that you are able to acknowledge what you need help with and that is a great start. It's a journey so you must be willing to see your better/best self in the future.
A few things that help me which may help you out...
-Learning to overpower negative/unhelpful thoughts with Positive thoughts
-You can't control what people will say so once they something let it go from there. It gets damaging/exhausting, in the long run, to constantly battle with yourself.
Lastly, you can do this. Remember to implement techniques that best suit you.
All the best! x