How can I force/persuade my mum to seek medical help
Hi,
So to make a really long story short: for more than a year I have tried to get my mother to go and do a check up cause i think she maybe has skin cancer. She started by changing subject and then we got into a huge fight and she was like almost disowning me. I suppise she is scared but she has to go and check it up. And I'm her only family, I have no siblings so I'm all alone on this trying to get her to go see a doctor and the stress is killing me, I don't know how to do it. I feel so helpless cause I cannot force her since she is a grown up. And If i start nagging her about it again she will definitely disown me.. Has anyone else been in this situation? How do you force a grown up to do something she is too scared to do?
@littleShade3254
Hi.
That's tough. I feel close to this one, because my mother has a chronic illness that brings her to be in serious life danger if she doesn't take proper care of herself, and she never did, she still refuses to do it, and for all my life I've felt responsible for her, people also made me feel responsible for her health and her life, but the truth is, I am not. And I can't force her to take care of herself. Now she's crying about how poor her health condition is becoming, and I'm beating my tongue not to yell "what the**** did you expect???!!! You're damn lucky to be still alive!!!". The only thing I can do is to call an ambulance when I'd be supposed to, when she's having some serious condition I can't manage. She doesn't want me to, but she can't decide for this, she can't decide for the way I choose to deal with her uncoscious and being in life danger, when THE LAW tells me I SHOULD call an ambulance. You're doing all what you can, sadly, you're not her. Everyone does their choices.
Maybe you could talk to a doctor she's seeing for some other reason and ask him if he could find a way to check on her skin, or if you ever have a chance to call an ambulance because she's feeling sick, you can talk to the paramedics, but I don't know if they could really do something. Sadly, it's really up to her. My mother never did what the doctors told her.
I know it's hard, because you're there, you're in the situation and you feel like you should do something, but there are situations in which just being there doesn't make you responsible. It's tricky, but that's how it is. If she really has a skin cancer, and if it grows, it's not your fault. You told her, that's everything you could do, it's her missing her part of responsibility. Maybe this will change with time, I hope it will, but you can't take action for her.
I know it's so hard to be there, it's not so easy for me either, and be at peace while all this is happening is impossible, you can't but worry for your loved one and keep asking yourself if you could do anything differently, if you can do anything to help her, but in the end, this is only weighing on you, and it's not fair, as well as not very useful. I'm sorry for the situation you're in, and I really wish you two the best
@GhostlyLilian
Thank you for sharing your story and for the advice, support and well wishes. I really hope the best for you and your mother aswell.
The worst part is the feeling of helplessness and not understanding her illogical behaviour. As you say, it's a tough situation.. I suppose we can keep trying but most of all hope for the best and that they will see reason someday..
Stay strong, best wishes
/P.