How to find the right balance?
Hi there,
Tonight I was feeling so anxious about taking care of my toxic parents even though I was going to live in my own life soon.
As a LGBTQ person, I already expected that my parents would discriminate me and basicially being unsupportive of my future like they don't want me to leave them, it feels like they are manipulating and controlling me.
At that moment, I learned on becoming emotionally and mentally strong like I didn't let their criticisms get in the way of my dreams and I just believed in myself that I can do better than this.
But the thing is, how can I take care of my disabled older sibling and my toxic parents in a distant way (like I don't even need to become physically in-contact or close with them)
It's because one day, I wanted to have my peace of mind to just continue the things that I love doing, but it does not mean I don't love them anymore, it's just that I wanted to focus on my own goals first but at the same time, I can still take care of them, in a distant way even though that they didn't deserve it.
Like how can I find the right balance on living with my own life and taking care of my parents in a distant manner?
I honestly been worrying about this every single day. So I hope there is someone out there that could give me some suggestions and advices - because I have nobody else to talk to here on my house.
Been looking for online support groups, recently. I hope I could find one someday.
@shlwlve from what you've said, you've come to the right place ❤️ I hope you find what you need here 🌻
@shlwlve Thanks for sharing and my heart goes out to what you're going through. It sounds like you are going through a really difficult and conflicting time right now and trying to set some boundaries and just organize your priorities in term of family life and your own personal life/goals. Finding the balance between those two things is never easy as family inherently can hold a lot of power because their so deeply rooted into who we are. There is no easy answer, but sitting down and physically listing your priorities in order of importance (and be honest!) will help you determine the percentage of your time you want to put towards them and help define how to move forward. Even if your family was perfect, it is not selfish or wrong to want to focus on your own goals and be independent of them in a way that feels right to you. You are your own person and this is your life. If those relationships are beneficial and healthy to you, then naturally you'd lean towards wanting to strengthen and support them. But if they are toxic, abusive and manipulative and you're always walking away afterwards feeling bad about yourself, then deciding to spend less time/energy/effort towards strengthing those relationships is actually an act of self-love. I personally had to distance myself from my mother's extended family because they were deeply toxic and it has actually allowed me to grow ten-fold because I didn't have to keep battling the negativity being thrown at me. Having that quiet time with just my thoughts allowed more positive, supportive ones to be heard. Though, you may decide the relationship is worth it, and that's okay too. Just remember, you're in the driver's seat and you are the sole person responsible for your happiness (the same goes to everyone else!) ~ Hope that helps and also hoping you're having a really great day today :)
@CozyPineForest
Hi, thanks for your advice. Appreciated it.
