How to get unstuck
Hi everyone,
I dont really know why Im writing here or if youd be interested in my story but well see..
Ive felt sad my entire life, empy, to be more accurate. I felt so lonely and unloved as a child, even angry. I got a package of divorcing parents-absence of the mother, and was sexually abused as a kid. My father wasnt there, my mother denied that I was suffering.. then growing up I started to feel really inadéquate. I didnt really know how to fit in but I was trying so hard.. Then because I didnt know how to say know and because maybe I wanted to punish myself in some way I got myself into messed up situations and got sexually abused, again. I didnt care about my body anymore, wasnt mine, I didnt want it to be mine.. And these situations happened again several times.. I got pregnant, got abortion, Then I realized this was time for me to run away from there, and I left
I left my country and everyone, tried to start over but couldnt run away from myself. There I felt lost and fell into deep depression. I then came back, I went back on track and became a journalist.. Everything was starting to get better but I was still hiding a great deal of sadness and anxiety and felt that no one could really understand me.. But I kept on going, pretending to be fine, and this until I got a job in a prestigious news agency. But there, I went through moral harassment and finished doing a burn out. So the depression was back, and even stronger, I went to the hospital, I saw a lot of doctors, psy, etc. Went through therapy. Im now recovering slowly from this last episode. But I feel so lost.. Lost my job, had to go back to my parents,etc. And Im still feeling this gigantic hole in my heart and I have absolutely no idea how to fulfill it... I feel anger, shame and guilt for having such a life. I feel that I wont ever know how to be happy or just not in pain, but I keep trying for the people who I know actually love me. Life, depression and anxiety are a constant fight and Im just beginning to understand that no one actually wins in the end.
Im sorry for such a long thread, but I feel a bit better right now.. I wish you all to find the strengths for your personal battles and to know that its makes you warriors.
Hi thank you for sharing. I think that going to therapy will actually help you a lot. Dont be scared, everything will be alright and Im serious. Just keep trying and fighting! I wish you all the best! :) @Hel12