I'd Like to Not Die Please
Having severe anxiety and panic attacks due to health complications I've noticed in the past three months. The pain makes me stressed, the stress causes panic, the panic makes me spiral. Because I live in the good old land of sh*t healthcare I can't go to a doctor right now and even if I could it'd be another two months until I can get an appointment. So I'm just sitting here shaky, stomach and back deciding to cause me all the pain it can, panic clouding my thoughts, terrified because I don't know what's going on, and scared of dying before I can even get out of this toxic household and marry the love of my life. I didn't get this far and go through all the terrible treatment I've had to endure just to perish before I can start my life properly.
I'm sorry your having such a tough time. Is there anything you would like to talk through? It might help.. its a horrible cycle. I have health anxiety myself and it can be terrifying
@crimsonSkies401 I appreciate you reaching out that's very kind, it truly is terrifying. A lot of the activities on this site make you focus on what you can control but what do you do when you don't have control over anything in your life, you know?
Keep trying I think. Thats what I'm told anyway.. my thoughts become overwhelming so I can't even organise them to work on it. Make sense? Like I have so many things going through my head I just want to collapse, I can't handle it. I wish I had an answer for you. For me, I have been trying something physical.. not exercise or anything like that.. its too much, but something really trivial. People tell me to listen to music, or meditate etc.. all well and good, but I can't concentrate or relax enough to do it.. its a pointless exercise. So someone told me to get a yoyo. Sounds silly, I know. Bit I did. I can't use it, I'm crap with it. However, when I'm really bad.. I get it out for 10 mins and my brain has to focus on it. I can do it sitting down or in bed so I am still in my comfort zone. But my brain is forced to move my hands and watch what I'm doing etc. Make sense? This almost gives mind the little bit of organisation it needs. Dont get me wrong, it does not rid the anxiety.. but it does allow me to separate the thoughts so I can process them 1 at a time, which then will lead to be getting a grip on the panic attack/anxiety at that time. Now I'm not saying get a yoyo specifically. But maybe something similar would help? Sorry if that's rubbish...
@crimsonSkies401 That's really helpful thank you, yeah I can see how having something small to focus on can help you digest everything that's going on slowly. And I fully agree that at the end of the day all we can do is keep going. Thank you for your kind words, and I hope you can also find peace in all the anxiety, I'm also here if you want to talk about it, chronic illnesses really are a special sort of hell lol, but I'll definitely try and find a fidget toy of some sort and see how it works. Again, I appreciate you taking the time to help me out. <3
Please don't thank me. Its the least I can do. None of us would wish this on anyone so to be able to help, even in a small way, is amazing. Thank you for your kind words. I hope you can find some peace and happiness. Dont ever stop trying. I'm feeling reasonably OK atm so it's easy to say when I'm not in full on panic mode. But you got this. You can do it. We can all do it 😊
I’m so sorry to hear you are struggling not only with anxiety and panic but also with physical pain! What has helped with your anxiety in the past? I know for me grounding exercises and doing things like painting and journaling really help me take my mind off of my physical pain that I feel! I hope the pain subsides and you can start your wonderful life! You deserve to be happy! Let me know if you want to talk! I’m here for you!