I don't know where to start

I feel alone, I am alone, There's actually no one to talk to to let out the insane asylum that is my mind. I'm 35 parent of two, Avoidant personality disorder. Single 6 years Friends 0 zilch Nada none. -unless of course someone needs me for something, an ego boost, a bill paid. Childcare, A general moan because things go wrong, But when my mind takes over when I'm feeling sad, there's no point making a call, cos no one picks up. When I say I'm the only one who's got me, there's always the same "I'm always here" those that actually don't answer the phone. I believe actions tend to contradict most people's words and well, its proven. Where do you go when there's actually no one there to calm the storm inside your mind?