I feel frozen

Hello,

I have been going thorugh a major loss for the past four months now. It was so sad and sudden and do not understnad it fully. Losses that occurred through my lfe has amplied this and right now in this moment I wish with all my being for well being. I dont want to feel like this anymore. I lost my child and my husband, I lost everyting that meant the world to me. I have kept it bottled up and have nt reached out to anymore. i want to talk becuase I feel so close to becoming nmb and and stay sitting in my house whtout moving. It is the colosest feeling to trnawuilityI can feel right now. I take deep breaths and feel. I feel afraid of everythign. that all the stimultu I feel triggers somehting in me that makes me feel so scared. I want to trapp all these feelings up becuase I am so fearful of feeling them alone. I understnd and have looked up s many things to help myself and still I feel this force as though it is not me. Feel in anticpation of something happening again nearly all the time that will freeze me up again.