I feel like I’m falling
I don’t know what’s wrong... It just feels like everything thing I do is wrong, and that no matter what I’m disappointing either myself, or someone I care about. It just feels like it’s all out of control, like the thoughts inside my head aren’t my own and are manipulating the reality of a situation. I do work a high stress job as a first responder, but I love what I do, the people I work with, and most importantly the people I can help. I’ve been doing this for just about as long as I can remember so with my experience comes this pedestal of expectation my team places on me. Because I am capable of it and have the skills, so much is expected of me but I feel like I’m falling short every single time and the feeling is just getting worse and worse. My team trusts me.... but I feel as if I’m loosing that trust in myself. It’s irrational and I know that. There’s really no ‘reason’ for the was I feel, but even still no ‘logic’ has been able to help. I’m terrible at explaining but I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I don’t know what I need to do, I just know I can’t do it by myself anymore.
@PulsarTesla
Thank you for sharing. Thank you for all you do in helping others. You're a true hero in a time when we need it most. I understand how you feel, and I understand even more the awareness that feeling this way is illogical and damaging, and the only real problem is actually feeling this way, as it does clearly sound as if you're continuing to perform at the high level you have set for yourself.
In a similar situation, others would suggest fo me taking some time off. I don't know if thar's possible, but it might help. I can also understand if that would only make you feel worse - I know that. I think most importantly is to keep sharing your feelings. I am hopeful it can lead to an understanding of where they come from, and some growth toward self-acceptance. Saying them repeatedly will help you to process.
I am glad you are here, and I believe in you.
@PulsarTesla,
doesn't sound like anxiety.
It sounds like you're overworked, and might be heading to a burnout.
Take time off, and I don't mean days, I mean weeks. You really ought to consult your health care provider.
