I feel so guilty

I’ve struggled with the fear of fireworks ever since I was a new born baby. I screamed and cried while other babies would watch in awe. My brothers took note of how uncomfortable fireworks made me and… as two older siblings would normally do they picked on the youngest and pranked me numerous times with fireworks. Word spread around the apartment complex I was a firework cry baby and the neighbors took part in this “Scare the child” activity every year.

I have been tormented with fireworks by my own parents because they found it funny how I reacted. I eventually developed PTSD barely hitting my teens. Constantly being hit with flashbacks and nightmares and even smell and sound hallucinations out of no where. Now 17, i’m being treated for my mental health, but my mom told me she forgot what fireworks were like when one exploded near our window at our new home. I was shocked. No one forgets them, definitely not me. She told me she forgot because she hasn’t celebrated fourth of July for 8+ years. It hurt me to hear that. I felt so guilty. My family hasn’t been able to celebrate any firework holiday because of my problems. I’m sitting in my bedroom with this horrible feeling in my stomach and crying because of the guilt I feel. I stole 8 years of their lives because I have trauma? I don’t know anymore