I feel so stuck

I feel like I have a backseat in my own mind. I do online school, and plan to graduate early. sounds cool right? maybe even impressive. Until you realise that this school year ends in two weeks and I have 137 overdue lessons. until you know that my grades are below average and I dont know how I'm going to pull this off. Until youve accepted that I'm not going pass half my classes this year. then my goal of graduating early to go to uni in another country is a pitiful pipe dream. I can do the work. I know i have the mental capacity to. but when i think about it i get anxious and i avoid it. ive never been the avoident type! I can do this, but why arent I? why am I hurting myself like this? i dont know and its terrifying.