I hate school

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. May I ask how you have been doing since you originally posted this? Seems like it would be after finals and I wonder if the exra help made a difference with your grades?

I wanted to let you know that I have been dealing with a similar situation in a different subject. For me, my problem area has always been math and this year I have been taking statistics and I have really been struggling. I also have had to set up appointments with the professor to go over the material and get extra help. Although I don't suffer from panic attacks, I was dealing with a lot of trauma and I was more concerned about getting emotional in front of him when we talked about something as innocent as mathematics. When I was having a particularly difficult week, my stress regarding meeting with him would skyrocket. He is the nicest person ever but I was still worried about him judging me for breaking down.

As hard as it has been for you to trust others, I am so proud of you for sharing your situation with your teacher. I think it's important that they know what you are dealing with so they are better equipped to help you. Since you already shared your anxiety with her, what is making you nervous about telling her about the panic attacks? Seems like she is understanding and would do what she could to help you with them as best as she could.

Also when it comes to dealing with panic attacks, I've heard that grounding techniques are very helpful. Focus really hard on where you are right now. That could be thinking about the textures you feel under your hands, the texture of the chair you are sitting on. This can also include focusing on small details. How many circles are in the room? Look closely... theres a clock on the wall, the doorknob on the door, the watch on your teacher's wrist, the ring on someone's hand... even the screws on the lightswitch cover or the space in between the 6, 8, 9, 0 on the clock. These exercises are designed to bring you out from getting stuck in your own head. Hope that helps.

When it comes to your meeting, I found that preparing before I went in lowered my anxiety a lot. I wrote down my questions befor emy meeting started so even if I was getting emotional and I didn't think I could speak to him without crying, I could turn the paper around and have him read the questions himself. Then we can carry one and listening to his answers gave me time to calm down before I needed to speak up again. I don't know if your meeting are set up the same way where she answers your questions that way, or if you use the time to do homework together, or if she is providing you with additional work. If it's homework, you can see how much of the assignment you can complete before your meeting or if it's additional work you can ask if you can try to do the problems on your own first while she does something else and you can come up to her when you get stuck. These are just suggestions, I think only you know which would work the best with your anxiety but my point is that the meeting don't have to be structured a particular way. If you want to make small changes like the ones I suggested, voive them to her and I'm sure she would be willing to accomodate.

Last thing I wanted to mention that this situation wasn't necessarily preventative. You can't blame yourself for your anxiety. We need to reframe those self-deprecating comments into something a little kinder. "I could have prevented this" needs to be replaced with something like "Next time, I know I can handle this differently", "I am still recovering and this isn't my fault", "This will get better", etc.

I hope this helps. I wish you luck with the rest of the class. I am not a listener on the site but I'm always open to talking about this more if you want to keep discussing strategies for panic attacks or if you want to vent.