I’m not really even sure

I don’t really even know what goes on in my head anymore or how to be a person. The way I move, talk, and think is all based on the people around me. Mind telling me everyday that if I do something wrong people will laugh and stare.

I have periods in my life that have specific feelings. These span of a few weeks where I feel amazing and happy, I feel so free. Then it just hits out of nowhere. Like I was never even happy. As if I’m not even free anymore and it always happens. I spiral back into my thoughts and into my mind worrying about the people around me.

mom in college and things are just so hard. I’m having so much fun but being here makes me feel like it’s my get away to not have to take care of myself, not eat, not do anything. All I do is go to class and worry the whole time about the people behind me, what the professor thinks of me, if I have anything due, just everything. I’ve felt this way it feels like all my life. I feel like I’m drowning in my thoughts.

im struggling with eating and how to be happy because of how bad my anxiety is been and I don’t know what to do to stop it.

I also can’t answer the questions that’s: why can’t I appreciate the people around me the way I want to? Why is it hard for me to feel bad if my friend tells me terrible news that happened to her? I feel like a terrible person because of it but I just can’t stand it. But I want to help people so bad. I used to always do it and I’d never have a problem with it but now I just don’t know why I can’t anymore.