I think I'm delusional
I'm pretty sure I'm delusional. My brain feels like it's a loose button on a coat. It barely does the job it's supposed to and it's falling off. My brain just wanders off like it's nothing. Like a distracted toddler who sees something shiny. One moment i'm working on homework and the next I'm literally envisioning twenty minutes of Return of the Jedi becaues I randomly thought of something Star Wars related. I've always had the most annoyingly vivid imagination. My day dreams have production value. They have music and color to them. I can hear everything. I can see it to the point I am no longer seeing the work in front of me. I'm completely zoned out.
Worse is when I'm caught up in a daydream about my life. I suddenly am being asked in an interview about the book I haven't written yet or the play I haven't stared in. I'm just wandering off into a day dream so real my own mind had directed mental function to it. I don't like sleeping because my dreams are just as vivid and I'm just as gullable in my sleep. I believe everything. I wake up sweaty and gross because I've been running or swimming from danger.
I used to love this part of my mind because it ate up all the time I spent usually sucked up by boredom and depression. Now it is eating away at my sanity. I can feel myself barely tethered to reality and I'm slipping in and out of my days. I don't know if this is delusion or my mind finally giving up and breaking for good. What is wrong with me? I'm scared of my own brain. I'm scared it'll float away like a balloon into the sky and never come back.
@Himeko1995 Hey Himeko, IT'S OKAY. It's good to have a crazy imagination!
There's nothing wrong or insane about that! It's part of you, you know that. If you can focus enough to write out this post to share with us, I am certain that you have the ability to focus. Would you agree?
If you do, then you must know that 1st, there is nothing wrong with you buddy. You just have to accept that fact that you can visualize so many great stuff and embrace it. Say YES. And acknowledge it. 2nd Channel that creativity to express it, like how you did when you wrote out this post.
Maybe one of the reasons you have been wandering off, could be that you are keeping the imagination to yourself and not expressing it. Perhaps you can experiment drawing it out, or writing a story. Let your creativity out, express yourself. Release all the emotions.
Try it out and let me know alright?
@sunnyPrune3495
I've been writing short stories since i was a kid. I just always felt this itch to write. I write poems, outlines, journals. I'm never without a notebook and pens. I've just not felt this free floating in ages.
I've been reading a lot lately about the occult and wicca. I've been on the edge of pursuing wicca for my own personal wellbeing for a long time. I've just been nervous about it. I spent all of high school being called a witch and all kinds of absurd things so I've kept a lot to myself. I've been eccentric since birth. It's been hard to maintain some semblance of normal when my natural instincts tell me to run through the woods or stare at trees like we are having a conversation.
I'm not a nutjob. I'm not a tree hugger. According to all the stuff I'm reading I'm a physically receptive empath. I psychosomatically leech feelings from everything and everyone. I feel physical pain and fear. I get headaches from stress that isn't mine. I'm tired all the time. It all fits with my symptoms.
It just worries me that I found so much truth in something that everyone else I know thinks is all hoodoo nonesense. It troubles me that i found so much rightness in a label that people used to use to hurt me.
