Just Anxiety, they say.

Life is full of obstacles and hardships, either it's financial, emotional, or physical. Let me share you my story, I've been isolating myself from almost everyone, a teen age girl that should've been doing things with her friends. Unfortunately, i have none. My life has always been inside my phone, a life i may consider in a rectangular form. I never socialized up to the point i could say, i became distant and anxious. Moreover, became the person no one would like to hangout with. I couldn't even go outside without being anxious with no apparent reason at all, overthinking and panicking. Everytime I'm being called, my mind always had this battle between "Why are they summoning me? Did i do something wrong?" and "What if messed up? What if they'd find me weird and make fun of me?" So much thoughts that i couldn't handle. Tried self harm, many times yes. I told mom about this, she never listened. She freaked saying that "I never dreamed of having an insane daughter. Pull yourself together." I never had support from my family, i only got online friends who never took me seriously. It's funny how their advices makes me sick everytime I'm venting out to them. Because all they did is to throw advices, not think through my situation. I felt misfit, alone, that i even tried to take my own life. But i was scared, i didn't want to do that. My academics performances wasn't getting any better. I've been absent from school for almost 2 months now, i think it becomes severe. I couldn't go to school without panicking. I'm self-deprecating, i had enough physical and verbak abuse from my family. This year january 6, 2020 would be our back to school, and that's bothering me because i don't know if i would have the courage to attend school. I don't know what to do, i hate my classmates. I can't be with them. I want help, i can't do this alone. I just can't take this anymore.