Just sick of it
Im very angry at myself. Why can't i keep a simple job? I procrastinate because im afraid that i will fail again. Im almost 30 and completely isolated myself because I'm ashamed. My loved ones try to help and be there but i feel this guilt and feel that I'm too much. They will hate me and so it's better if i leave them before they leave me. What now? I don't want someone to tell me its o.k because honestly i wont belive it. I don't want pity. Just wish i can prove to myself that i am worth something. That i am capable .
Im grossed out at how i feel . Im not comfortable with overwhelming emotions but ive been like this since i can remember. I wish i felt nothing.
@4Anehcpg
The thing to do is ask yourself "why do I think I will fail?" "why do I think I am too much for loved ones to handle?". Once you answer those questions, challenge the answers. To challenge your answers, ask yourself things like: "what is the evidence for these claims?", "is there proof of the contrary (e.g. is there evidence that I won't fail?)?", "what are the consequences of my current thoughts about myself?", "what would be the consequences if I were to have more postivie (and realisitc) thoughts about myself?" The idea of this exercise is to make yourself aware of how you think, and to change unrealistic negative thoughts into realistic more positive ones.
You mentioned that you are overwhelmed with emotions that lead you to think the way you do. The thing with emotions, is that if they are not managed, they disrupt any rational thought. This is what the above exercise will do, it will help you challenge your emotional side by using rational thinking: i.e. making yourself think realistically postive about yourself.
@4Anehcpg
They won't hate you. You're so into self hatred that you can't see other people's perspectives. They see your darkness is exactly why they want to help you. Trust me is much easier to accept the help. With support you can change your life bit by bit. You will progress much more with support. Sometimes we can't do everything by ourselves :) Is ok to have help!
