Making new friends
Hi all,
Im new to 7cups. Ive recently been having the worst time with my anxiety, its been more intense and inredibly difficult to deal with.
So I have known this person for quite a while and weve recently started to become ‘out of work friends as well as work friends. They are an incredible person, so honest, kind and inspirational. But Im struggling so much to talk to them, Im so awkward and shy around them, I honestly dont know why, Im not like this with anyone else. When I want to talk my mind draws a total blank. Literally I cant think of anything to say, even when talking online I cannot think of a single thing to say to start a conversation.
Everyone ive spoken to just says ‘Be yourself and itll be fine but I cant just ‘be myself it doesnt work that way.
I was wondering how anyone deals with this kind of thing? How do you start conversations with people when you feel shy and awkward around them? What do you talk about, without it being superficial and ‘boring?
@Spee56
Hi Welcome to 7 Cups! Thanks for posting and for sharing what is going for you right now.
I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time with your anxiety, but glad that you have found such a good person to be an 'out of work friend'
I think a lot of people struggle to start with and they do end up feeling awkard and shy, probably more so if they really like the other person.
I was wondering is you have considered starting off by showing an interest in what they care about or things that they do? After all most people love talking about themselves and what they are up to in life. I know that a lot of people have found this a good way to get the conversation going and they find it takes a lot of pressure of themselves to be interesting!!
I hope this has helped if only in a small way. And just to let you know I am a listener here so if you want to talk about things fele free to send me a message, or reply to this post whatever you are most comfortable with.
Take care
paul
@calmPaul281
Hi Paul. Thank you for your reply, I have been spending a lot of time looking for good conversation starters, a lot of them just seem like assanine questions that dont really mean a lot and seem quite... superficial, you know? But I think asking more about them will be a good place to start.
I did mention to them about going out for dinner at some point and they said they would like to, I want to plan it but Im worried itll just be awkward silences and strained conversations. But Im also thinking itll force us to get to know each other better.
Thanks again. I shall probably message you too
@Spee56
I have this same kind of social anxiety that flares up.
It might sound innane, but maybe if you have something in common at work with them, maybe you do your work the same way or have the same favorite and least favorite work stations, that might be a place to start. If you're meeting them outside of work, perhaps you can gripe about how crazy it gets at work ... everybody does that. Maybe also ask about and discuss how your and their families are doing?
Also ... welcome to 7 Cups! 
