Mind dump
There's no March 8th daily check-in thread, so I'll just dump here.
First thought upon waking two hours ago (5:45 am) was the need to focus on getting a job. I have been procrastibating horribly for a week. (Procrastibate = chronic procrastination + porn addiction)
Second thought is knowing that the person I am in love with does not really care about me. For example, if I hadn't mailed her a valentine, I doubt she would have even texted me. I just hear from her when she needs money.
I dropped a medicine, so my sadness is lessening. I can now drift back to sleep. I won't fantasize about Jennifer White (actress) till later.
(Edited by Teen Forum Star @Emily619 for mentioning a medicine name)
Just a heads up, I edited the post since I saw a reference to a spefic medication name. It sounds like a lot is going on! Have you been coping alright? 
@Emily619
Hi E619, I appreciate your March 9th reply. Yikes, I haven't logged in for twenty days.
My song remains the same. Worse actually.
I made some progress on procrastibating but then fell apart. Progress equals no fap for five days in a row. I have not given up hope though. (btw, All I want is to love and be loved. I'm not a creep.)
Second problem is having my friend J slip away. I think we had true love last July, which thrilled me for three reasons: feeling accepted, clicking, and being in love. Unique in my life. But nothing gold can stay. Since September, my feelings have far outweighed hers. I humbly accepted my role in her life..
The past ten weeks are crushing me like an anaconda. She kept borrowing money but never getting together. Missing her is killing me. I feel like a dog watching for its owner to return, except that the owner is never coming back.
I'm finally coming to terms with two things. She has an addiction, and it's out of control. I have stopped "loaning" her money, and she very likely has been manipulating the hell out of me. (I already knew she had been on maintenance methadone, but something has gone off the rails.)
Secondly, I am working on accepting my worst fears: that she'll never see me again; that she'll disappear and ghost me; or that she'll die or kill herself. (She may not adhere to Project Semicolon.) I miss her dearly.
Well, glad I wrote. I no longer need a X___x to ease my worried mind. Thanks.