Mixed Emotion

So, I was a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding this past weekend.

Weddings are hard enough since really they just bring everything to focus that I want and feel like I'll never have, but my friend kind of stole the groomsman I thought was really cute.

Like we met him at the rehearsal dinner and we all hit it off. On the way back to the hotel, she and I kept talking about cute he was and how awesome it was to meet a guy who had the same interests as us (because she and I have at a lot of the same interests because thats how we became friends). Before we went to sleep, she confessed how she was worry about the wedding and the after party and how she was glad she had me there to help- and I was happy for the same since between depression and anxiety, big social settings are difficult.

From the moment we left the reception, she was flirting up a storm with him and I was basically dismissed. We got to the after party and she dominated the conversation with him and flirting like crazy. And then when we went back to the hotel, all she would talk about was how the two of them hit it off and how perfect he was and how lucky that they had met.

I am so angry that she ditched me- like she was so afraid that she would just end up in a corner and that's exactly what she did to me. That's whatever.

But here's the thing: I'm really hurt she kind of stole the guy after we talked about how he was pefect but I feel guilty because its not like I'd be with him anyway. Like its been forever since I've been in a relationship because between the depression and anxiety, its just hard to make connections...but it was like he was prefect and I thought for someone like him, I could maybe actually do it- put myself out there with a guy...but then she just like asserted herself to the point where I couldn't even talk.

I'm like really mad at her but I feel guilty I'm mad since if he were making advances I would probably panic,

Its just so hard to find a guy who checks off so many boxes only to not even get a chance to talk.