Moving Past The Past

Hello everyone! My name is Red and I have had anxiety ever since I was little. I come across as very confident to other people making this an issue that no one was really aware of. I had a hard childhood- my father was a verbally abusive alcoholic, my mother was checked-out, etc. As a kid I did everything in my power to get back the love I felt taken from me. My family troubles left me feeling like I was a burden, like I am unlovable. My anxiety really latches onto these ideas- forcing me to live in a constant fear that at any moment I will be left on my own. In the beginning this really only happened with people, but as time went on I began to feel that if I didn't do as I was asked- or did anything that had consequences on other people- I would be cast out. My anxiety kept spiralling as I got older. I began pulling my hair out and developed insomnia. I dropped out of college. Then re-enrolled. Then dropped out again. Then re-enrolled again. I couldn't focus on anything but my loneliness. The entire time living in denial that this was normal. A few months back I had a breakdown and starting getting help, started putting into words the feelings I had previously thought were indescribable. I did it all by myself, and while I am still struggling to love who I am, I am grateful for myself. Getting yourself help can be very difficult and if you're at any point in the recovery process- you're one of the strongest people I know. Keep going!

Thank you for readin