Moving anxiety. Halp.

I was wondering if I should come out of the close to beging with, even at the risk of getting blocked from 7cups, but here it is: I've been here before on a different account. I created a new one because I'm going through a lot of big things in my life: (Social & Medical) gender transitioning, new city, and new school.

I'm writing to the anxiety forums because I'm losing my "proverbial" at the moment.

So, I'm moving in to a new city, but I'm afraid it's too big for me (100 000 people to nearly 700 000 people). But also the school and courses I applied for is not something I'm hugely interested in either (I literally got in to my second choice and I'm very "Meh" about i).

The only reasons why I applied for that school was to get out of my current city and because it has the other gender clinic of my country in it, so I wouldn't have to travel around to get there.

I'm wondering if I'm just panicking because this is my first time moving alone from city to city, if I'm genuinely regretting the idea of moving to that city, and if I'm even mentally ready for the move and the school.

Half of me doesn't wanna talk to doctors or anyone "professional" because I'm afraid they're gonna put a stop to any chances of me transitioning (which, tbh, I wouldn't be surprised about or blame them for it), and the other half is trying to find the best in the situation: I don't need to move to the center of the city, I can always apply to the other schools in the area even when I'm already studying, there's better mental health services there than here, etc.

So, how do I differentiate between legitimate worries (ie. I'm moving in to a city I don't wanna live in and studying in a course I don't wanna study in) and just trying to find excuses not to move (ex. "The apartment is too far away from the school")?

I'm going to see an apartment tomorrow and I'm actually to the point that I'm almost praying I don't get ANY apartments from that city so I don't have to move in, and that I can apply to other schools in other cities with cheaper apartments and schools that are easier to get in to with more interesting courses.

I'm tying to get an appointment for a nurse/dr/therapist for next week because this is actually doing my head in and I'm in a really bad place.