My Story

I started having anxiety and panic attacks 12 years ago when my middle child was an infant. I sought help from my primary care doctor and was placed on a medication that worked for the last 10 years or so. The past couple of years I have had issues with the medication working and had to have it increased, which did help. This past November it started to not work again and I have had issues finding a medication that worked and sank into a deep depression. So bad that I thought life wasn't worth living anymore. I never attempted suicide, thank God, but I did think about it. I have had a lot of issues with regret and guilt for my past infidelities and opened up to my husband about them. I was completely honest and let all my skeletons out of the closet. He is still with me, thank the Lord, and we are working through our problems. But, he is having a lot of difficulty with the things I did in the past, which I completely understand. He doesn't understand why I did the things I did, and honestly I don't either. I don't know why I wasn't strong enough to resist the temptation and have an open communication with my husband. And I think that's a lot of the reasons why I have such difficulty letting go of my past. I have completely lost myself. I don't know how to have fun anymore. I don't enjoy anything that use to bring me pleasure. I got so lost and my anxiety was bothering me so bad that I quit my job in March. Now I am relying only on him to take care of our responsibilities at home and I feel horrible about that. I have been looking for a job but nothing has happened yet. I know he feels like everything is all on him and that is causing him great stress at the moment. I just want to get passed this and live my life with my family and be the best "me" that I can be. I feel so strange unloading all of this to strangers but typing all of this out has been therapeutic. Thanks for listening.