New to this group

I am new to this group but I am not new to anxiety in fact I'm having anxiety right now sitting in my vehicle in the park trying to breathe through it. I am a drug addict and I've been making a mess of my recovery trying to do it on my own and I in general pretty quit trying at life last November and only recently got out of bed, due to depression, sometime early May and it appears to be mania, my anxiety this morning stems from the fact that I know that I need to seek help. I need to go back to the doctor. I need to go back to the psychiatrist and I need to go back to counseling and I need help with my addiction but I'm afraid. I am anxious and afraid because this has never worked out for me before for so many reasons but I know the only way that I have a chance of getting better is to try to go through this process again, it'll be complete reestablishment of care. I'm well aware that I have a responsibility for my own health mental health and physical health but I often feel unheard and get an added label, diagnosis, and more meds that usually do not work or have side effects that are intolerable or work for a very short time. I have been doing this since I was 14 and I am now 52. What I do know about myself is that I am an addict I'm also a trauma survivor I struggle with depression and anxiety and the complete and ability to manage my emotions no matter what emotions they are. That's what I would like to learn I counseling to manage my emotions. A few of my diagnosis are generalized anxiety disorder and cptsd and major depression. I think I need to stop typing now I don't know if I'm making any sense any longer. Thank you for those of you who choose to read this with compassion.