No, I can't chill

About a year ago I developed a crippling anxiety. I couldn't really do anything other than worry. I became an unreachable machine, fueled by nervous energy, constantly irritated by the littlest things. I would seek help, but my parents would make fun of me for being overdramatic if I asked them about it. The pulsating monster that lives in my chest won't leave me alone and I don't know what to do. Sometimes my frustrations are expressed in my daily life, through frantic conversations, or erratic behavior. I can't help it, but some people seem to think I can, if I just took a "chill pill". Yeah I wish I could.

But sorry if feeling like I'm having a heart attack all the time makes me want to scream.

Sorry if my hands trembling uncontrollably makes you feel uncomfortable.

Sorry if me constantly running my hands through my hair makes you feel icky because it makes you think about lice.

Sorry if sometimes I stress my words in weird ways, because I can't stop the words from coming out, and that makes me "strange"

Sorry if I cut myself because it is the one mean of control I have over my body, and when you see it in the locker room it makes you feel sad.

Sorry if I'm constantly worrying about things you don't happen to care about.

Sorry if I'm irritable because I keep thinking everyone is out to get me.

Because you telling me to "just calm down and take a chill pill" is what I've been trying to do for a long time. And you're not helping. So no, I can't chill.