Random venting.
Kinda need to vent right now.
I'm sick and tired of me being me (the negative part at least). My personality is very spontaneous and people can't handle it. I'm the type of person if I see something cute I'll fangirl. I'm the person that owns a bunch of plushies because I feel happy. I'm someone who will see a small pound and splash on it, or who will climb a tree, someone who does silly faces and who has a dark sense of humour.
But people are so fricking tense and just cold nowdays. Everytime I am myself I hear stuff like "you're making me unconfortable" or "you're embarassing me..." or "you're so childish!".
I hate it!!!! Makes my social anxiety BLOW UP.
And this is spreading for my entire life! I'm 23 years old and basically have no friends because of this. I struggle to go outside, hell right now I want to go running (want to make it an habbit) but because of what people might think, I'm stuck!
I know part of this is about how I was raised, unfortunetly since I was a kid i heard this many times. But godamnit I'm an adult now! Pointing fingers to my past won't help, I just want to be myself and live!!!
I want to learn how to apply makeup without being scared a random girl will judge me. I want to wear sexy tight clothing without freaking out what people will say. I want to go running without people starring at my body and making comments. I want to go out without panicking that my abusive ex and other people will show up. I want to keep going to uni classes and not lay in bed all day because of my depression and anxiety!
I'm so frustrated because I WISH I could learn to not give a fuck. That's what I need. To just not give a fuck about ANYTHING. But I don't know how!!!
Ok vent over. If someone has ideas about this also feel free to drop a comment. Thanks.
@Booklover95
I am so sorry to hear that people either put you down and shut you out.
There are many famous people who have character traits like yours...I guess you will show them one day how amazing you really are.
@HalaymaKhatunDiplomaCounselor
that's so sweet :) thank you.
I really hope one day I make it. 
@Booklover95
You are welcome
@Booklover95
Wow! Your personality sounds amazing! We are pretty much twins! From what you describe about your personality you sound like a carefree happy person and that is what life is about. Being happy and enjoying those simple things that many people overlook or take advantage of. Being almost 31, I still act the way you do and have no regrets. I stopped giving a damn about what people thought of me a long time ago. The art of not giving a fuck comes with time and is the result of lessons we learn in life. I just try and be a good person and help others. People can be cold but sometimes we don't know the reason for that. Sometimes though, an act of kindness or happiness goes a long way in changing that. I understand what you are going through right now, I was in your exact shoes a long time ago. I was also engaged to an abusive man (twice-not an example of my better judgements) after that ended is when I started to find out who I was. In January this year, I started getting panic attacks, became housebound, and am trying to get over a fear of transportation. While I am making progress, I miss going to the beach and jumping in concert mosh pits. But the past is past, live in the present and dream for your future. Life is too short not to be happy. I gave up on makeup for the most part, everyone has natural beauty in some sense. As your twin, I suggest that more plushies seem to be a better investment ;) But just remember no matter how bad things may seem, these are lessons meant to guide you to where you're meant to be. I didn't see that before but now I do. So keep being that awesome you and eventually the right people will gravitate towards that energy.
When I get over these damn panic attacks Ill embarrass my close friends with my own fan girl scream to celebrate.
Cheers,
-Y
@Cakesinthefastlane87
Kinda made me tear up a bit. Is SO hard to find people that think the same, or that accept me as who I am.
Your answer was super refreshing! Also you seem such a strong person. I hope one day to be like you. To be strong and to not have a care in the world. So I really hope I grow up as a person in the future, so I'm able to be happier :)
Thank you for being so kind Not only you made me smile, but you also made my day!
p.s- 100% agree that plushies are an amazing investment :b
@Booklover95
Aww anytime! Thank You for your kind words as well :) Keep on smiling, just remember those rough times are only temporary. Take something away from the experience that might help you down the road :) And just remember: When In Doubt! Plushie Out!
P.S. Noni the 7cups bot= cute cup plushie. Insta fan girl squeal.
