Relationship and Anxiety
Good evening to all.
I'm writing this because I'm feeling really sad and confused, and hoping to get some advice. I've been suffering from anxiety most of my life, but only recently (in the last 2 yrs) did I really find out what I have. Eevn then, still figuring out how to really cope with anxiety. That being said, I've been in a relationship for the past 4 years. It started out great, but lately in the last few years it has gone from bad to worse, especially when it comes to my anxiety. My girlfriend tells me she cares and wants to support me, but lately all she does is get mad at me, and argues with me anytime my anxiety takes over, as she feels I allow to control my life. I do my best each day, and it's getting harder to hear those things from her and never getting g any support from her. She blames me, and makes me feel every time she gets like that, that it's all my fault, and unfortunately the more she does it, the more I'm starting to believe her. It's gotten to the point that it's made me question if this relationship is even healthy for my mental health anymore. Is there some validity 5onher sentiment or am I just overthinking this?
P.S. Apologies for rambling.
@goldenPine9500
Hi friend @goldenPine9500.
Stop seing her at once. She is not good for you.
Great love from Helga.
@goldenPine9500
Hi there! It seems like you've been going through a tough time balancing your own internal conflicts while also trying to make room for this relationship in your life. It might be helpful to take a step back and carefully evaluate what this relationship means to you. It is only a part of the experiences you're going through but ensuring you have a stable environment might be the best way to get a good grip on the anxiety as well. No one else can tell you whether it is something you should let go of or not, but it sounds like it has been a more negative than positive experience recently. If you decide that this relationship is something you want to work on, you might have to have an honest conversation with your girlfriend about how you are being affected and what you will have to work on together. It will probably be a difficult conversation to have but I know you will be able to do it!
Thank you for taking the time to reply. Unfortunately I've tried talking with her. Lately, all she does is just get bothered with me when I have any type of episode it seems. As well as she makes me feel like I'm putting no effort in not feeling the way I do, or that when I having an attack, I just choose to let the effects take over. The more she gets like that with me, the more I feel like I'm a burden. It's becoming too much to handle all of that on top of my anxiety.
Hi @goldenPine9500
Im sorry you have been feeling this way and that you have to go through all of this. There's no need to apologize for anything and you did a good thing to reach out here on the forum. We are all here together in whatever problems we are facing. Seems like your girlfriend is unable to support and help you even when she wants to. And I understand that that can be frustrating. Do you think talking to her about it openly and directly will do any good?
You mentioned you have been suffering from anxiety for most of you life. Do you think you need more support? Maybe you can try and reach out to a listener here on 7cups and discuss this in more detail with them. Support is never harmful to anyone.
I would suggest you take your time, think this through and try to communicate more with people around you specifically your girlfriend.
It will get better. Slowly, but surely 🙂
Thank you for offering advice. I've tried talking with her multiple times. Openly. Candidly. Unfortunately. She focuses more on her feelings. What she feels/needs with all this, yet changes the subject or simply goes silent when I mention my feelings. I would be open to talk to someone. I actually have been seeing a therapist but the sessions, are pretty far apart.
@goldenPine9500 Okay, if you are here on 7 Cups and you have been seeing therapist, you are making progress dear, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You are making choices to feel better. It's not your fault that you have anxiety. What matters is the choice you are making to cope with it. And I'm proud that you are here! Give yourself some credit too!
So keep focusing on yourself and your mental health. If you are questioning if the relationship is even healthy for you, it's okay to be confused. You don't have to make any decision at the moment. Just distance yourself from her a little. Take a step back, focus working on yourself. Once you became clearer, you will easily make a decision.
I've scrolled down to read other comments. I understand that you feel like she can't support you, as when you talk, she only focuses on her emotions and doesn't listen to you. I think most people are like that, it's quite rare to find people who is empathetic. Just give her some space, let her think through and sort out her emotions. In the meantime, you can also sort out your emotions. When emotion is high, intelligence is low lol. It's not gonna work talking when in high emotions like this. Let you and herself calm down, and then we'll see what's next.
@CatEars I truly believe that people need some alone time first, in order to care for other people. They need to be able to care for themselves first. And that's what your girlfriend needs.