Replaying the Past... Help :(
Hello! I have a hard time sleeping the fast few days and have been having a lot of intrusive thoughts over the past few weeks. I cannot stop playing scenarios from the past year over and over again in my mind and often find myself feeling tense or angry at myself for something I should have said or done. I feel very trapped and I do not how to cope. I'm looking for advice on what to do.
Here is what I am stuck thinking about, if anyone is interested to know: I am a college student and the past year has been an all time low for me. I began the school year by loosing all of my friends, who (in short) stopped talking to me because I was hurt they signed a housing lease for the following school year without telling me (leaving me with no place to live) and then made a very misguided remark about their sorority. They started being really rude to me and I began having panic attacks any time I needed to be around them. They were my roomates, which made things difficult. I ended up moving out mid semester because of the discomfort and struggled to make new friends because other people on campus (girls in the sorority) started being rude to me as well, even though I don't know them. I am currently not on campus because of the pandemic, so not only do I feel isolated, but I am very alone because I have no friends from school to keep in touch with. I was in the process of starting to make friends at school, but my college closing took those opportunities away from me.
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist. Instead I am a fellow participant on 7 CUPs trying to help the @ mentioned person below through a difficult situation. -- For immediate assistance with a crisis issue please contact your local authorities or call the Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Hi @fairmindedSailboat6638
I can understand that loss can be very hard and can definitely see how this can be a source of stress for you right now. While I haven't been through an identical situation, I've been through a similar situation of being rejected by people whom I considered friends. The first questions that I'd like to pose is were these ever REALLY your "FRIENDS"?
This too me seems like a subtle form of "bullying". That said, you mentioned that you were having panic attacks when you were around them. Have they physically tried to harm you in any way or is this more a matter of rejection and verbal abuse?
Finally, are you planning to return to this school after the pandemic? This will further inform how you handle the issue.
SHIFTING TO SELFCARE
While the questions above are a few things that you may want to ask yourself, the priority is learning how to quiet your mind / stop the racing thoughts. Here are a few things that have worked for me in the past.
1. MEDITATION MUSIC
I listen to Pandora's "Meditation Radio" to quiet my mind. Try small periods of 3 - 5 minutes. Try breathing (proper technique is to inhale through your nose (EX. smell the roses) then exhale slowly through your mouth (Ex. blow out the candles).
2. JOURNAL
Writing down how you feel about the situation in a safe place, gets the thoughts out of your head. This is another way of quieting your mind. Since this is your journal, don't sensor yourself. Just let it flow.. You can always tear up the paper afterwords.
3. REMEMBER YOUR WORTH
Toxic relationships can be very detrimental to your health. If being mistreated is the only way that you can be "accepted" is that relationship worth the price you'll pay emotionally?
While it may seem silly at first glance, writing positive affirmations to yourself (ie, I am beautiful, I am loved, I desire nothing but the best, I deserve to be treated with dignity and respect ) is a way to affirm yourself in absence of these other relationships. It also helps you determine what you will and will not tolerate.
4. BEGIN BUILDING NEW RELATIONSHIPS
Do you have any family or friends outside of school that you can connect with via social media?
5. DISCOVER / REDISCOVER YOUR PASSION
Do you have any hobbies that you can do indoors?
@fairmindedSailboat6638 - I look forward to your reply and pray that you feel comfort and peace very soon. Be encouraged and know that tough times won't last for ever. Blessed wishes.
@ThisTooShallPass2016
Hello, thank you so much for taking the time to respond. It really means a lot to me. To answer your questions:
These people had been my absolute best friends throughout my entire freshman year (I am currently a sophomore). We were all inseparable, which made this sudden change that much harder to process.
They have never tried to physically harm me. They just give me dirty looks or make snide comments when I am around. Other girls in their sorority have started to do the same.
Yes, I am returning to school after the pandemic. I am hoping things will improve since they will be living off campus and I will be living on campus, so I will not see them as much. I just find myself worrying that I will still have a hard time making friends because there are many people who already do not like me or think I am a bad person. I have toyed around with the idea of joining a different sorority on campus as a way to meet new people and find a sense of community again, but I am afraid I would not be fully accepted because of what people have heard about me and would also feel slightly hypocritical because I have expressed hesitations about Greek life to my former friends before. (I go to a fairly small school, only about 3500 undergrad. I see the same people every day so it's hard to "escape" sometimes)
Thank you again for taking the time to hear what I had to say- knowing that someone else cares to listen and give advice is very comforting.