Social Axiety + Eating Disorder + Company Breakfast = HELL
To say I'm anxious this morning would be an understatement. First off, I'm new to 7 Cups, so I've barely scratched the surface of my issues. I'm hoping this helps me, as I have tried traditional therapy in the past and it has hurt more than helped.
Anyway...today....
I deal with anxiety and depression. I've been diagnosed ADHD and I also suffer from BED (Binge Eating Disorder). When I'm in a comfortable situation, with people that I am around a lot, I'm ok. When I'm in new situation or around a lot of people that I don't know, I withdraw and am very uncomfortable. I work as a marketing administrator for a vacation company and am lucky because I pretty much make my own schedule, have my own, quiet (for the most part) office area and I can keep to myself to do my work. Well, today we had an awards breakfast and there were about 50 people there...most of whom I don't know or am just acquaintances with. People kept coming up to me to say hello and chat...I made conversation, but after the little talks, I took my seat and realized I was burning hot and sweating. My anxiety spiked so badly. On top of this, there was a breakfast served buffet style and I ate. I am trying to lose weight. But I have a binging problem and I binged last night, in secret at home. Because I was in public this morning, I just ate a normal amount, and that is fine...but I felt disgusting and like all eyes were on me while I was eating. I am so uncomfortable and self-conscious. My co-workers love me. I'm a hard worker and I take pride in my job.
But, all the time, I feel like I have to force it. The smile, the happy attitude. Its like I'm screaming inside. I don't know if this post even makes any sense...I'm just trying to figure out what to do.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. 50 people you don't know is insane, it sounds like an extremely tough situation. Especially with the added stress because of your eating disorder.
Pretending you're fine when you're really not is one of the hardest things to do. Yet I think we're all guilty of doing it at some point in our lifes. It's one of those things where you know it would be better to do the opposite, yet pretending is way more alluring. Have you considered talking to someone at work? It could be helpful to tell someone you trust about your issues so they can help you when you're feeling anxious. In any case, you're in good hands with the listeners on this wonderful site.
Hope you are well.
@Cheeney
Thanks so much for the reply. It is hard to pretend, but is so much easier than really confronting the issue sometimes. I have thought about talking to co-workers, but my dilemma is, I work for a company that is owned by people who I am personal friends with (our daughters go to school together and are great friends) and, while I don't feel like they would be the judgmental types, I really don't want my personal problems on display. I am good at my job (despite my struggles) and I don't want anyone, least of all the owner's of the company, feeling like I can't handle my job, you know? I'm kind of in a weird place.
@saraj0906 That's definitely a tough position you're in! I won't tell you what to do, if you should tell them or not, that decision is up to you. Do whatever feels right.
Whatever you're going to do, I'm positive you'll be able to handle it; you seem like a strong person and you're already very brave for asking for support. I wrote a thread sometime ago on social anxiety and how I think you can overcome it, it might be helpful.
