So much going on
I've been having crippling anxiety for the past 3 months. I started a new job (that i hate) i got married to the most supportive man on the earth, and then my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.
When I'm at work I'll have a panic attack and call my husband to come and pick me up. I feel so sorry for him that he has to deal with me. When my attacks come on, i can't breathe, my hands go numb, and i cry uncontrollably. I just miss my old self and i wish i could find her.
Stuff with my mom is going well. She's about halfway through with her chemo treatments. Almost all of her hair is gone and we just went wig shopping. This has brought us closer.
My biggest stressor is my job. I sit in a cubicle all day and take calls and get yelled at. The simple thing would be to find another job. The job market isn't as easy as what it used to be. Every time i think about it I'm filled with regret for quitting my last job because i liked it. I miss that feeling of liking what i do, and developing close relationships with my co workers.
All i wanna do is cry. In need of some sort of long term thing to help with my attacks so i can at least get out of the house and feel comfortable and excited to get a new job.
Any advice? Anybody wanna talk?
@KB0625
Man, I almost feel like I could have written this post myself. My (soon to be) husband is incredible, and I don't know how I could have made it through the past few years without him.
I've suffered with depression most of my life, but starting a terrible office job where they never gave me any meaningful work and where I sat in a literal closet all day (they decided it was an office) sparked major anxiety for me. I knew I had to make a change, but there isn't much work in my town either. The fact that no one would hire me made the feeling of hopelessness so much worse.
At one point, I came accross a website called freelance to win (https://freelancetowin.com/). I started working for myself, and it has helped a lot. I'm able to still make some money while taking the time to work on myself without the pressure to be somewhere each day. It isn't a magic bullet solution, but it has helped a lot.
If you decide to try freelancing, just be careful about the isolation. When you control your schedule it's really easy to never leave the house. It can make some aspects of anxiety worse. Pushing myself to get out there is what I'm working on now. I'm thinking about adding some volunteering to my schedule to focus on someone else instead of being swallowed whole by my own daunting goals.
Just so you know, I'll probably be slow to reply. But I promise I will respond!
@Jdel04
Thank you so much i will look into that!
@AnaB0625
Believe me Ana, I feel your pain. Every morning it gets a little more difficult to get out of bed. I'm terrified that I'll become agoraphobic before I can help myself. Work is kind of like prison in a way. You're surrounded by walls and it feels like there's no escape.
I try to remain positive but it's very difficult when everyone in my department is so negative and constantly backstabbing. I just don't understand why people have to make each other miserable. I think some people need drama just to have some satisfaction in their lives. The world would be a much easier place if we could all be more understanding.
I hope everything works out for you, though. Just know that you're not alone.
Yeah hoping to find something better soon that doesn't just shove me in a cubicle secluded from the world. Thanks for understanding, not very many people in my life truly get it, so thank you!
@TheWanderer89