Stop me if you

Im feeling to anxious to do the thing and now Im even more anxious because I still havent done the thing.

The new email notification sound fills me with total dread. I have the outer persona of someone who has it together; Im happy, Im energetic, motivated and organized but only in public. In my alone time I struggle to do basic self care things like brushing my teeth or showering, my bedroom is something out of hoarders and I slide into escapism until Im forced to put on the public face again.

I have two MScs, I hold down a good job, I have physically active hobbies, Im not lazy, lazys easy enough to fix. It more like my energy is all used up in pretending to be mentally well. Im really good at appearing mentally well. I make excuses for why things dont get done and people believe me because Im usually so organized when they can see me.

I cant form romantic relationship with people. Then theyll find out. My friends are almost all paired off and starting their own families and I feel increasingly left behind and lonely.

This is mostly venting. Im mad at myself for being like this and its exhausting trying to conceal it, so Im saying it anonymously to strangers. Hi. You dont have to say anything back if you dont want to. It just feels good to share it.