Terrified a bit

I'm generally having anxiety over everything. IM scared to succeed as much as I am scared to fail. I don't want to try for new opportunities. What if I have to look people in the eye? What if I don't do what I'm set out to do? Due to this, I've become my worst enemy. I don't clean sleep often and mail is piling up. All because of this fear that has left me at the corner of my bed. I'm not doing well. I don't eat well and it's taking a tole on my body. I'm scared that this anxiety will consume me. I'm so desperate to heal, but i'm not showing it because i keep making excuses and just showing no commitment. I don't have any family or friends I feel I can trust. I have betrayal trauma at the minimum. I want to do better, but I am following my intrusive thoughts instead of my own. I feel like im letting my anxiety say yes to things or people that aren't good for me. I get really sad at looking at health tiktoks bewcaue I feel likeim already one step behind. I know things will get better but the pain is overwhelming and often terrifying a bit