The future scares me...

The last week i have had anxiety attacks every day... It's all because i have come back from easter where i was happy, being with my close friends, drawing, writing and actually doing what i want to do. But then the reality hits me so hard that i can do nothing but cry until i hyperventilate. I have had it like this before a while ago in 8-9 grade. I was what people called "an emo" and didn't have any friends because of it. I did cut myself back then but i became so much happier when i started at a new school in 10. grade because i got friends that was just like me and they understood me. I was with them for 4 years because we went to upper secondary school (In denmark we call it Gymnasium) together and i was so happy and i did my writing, drawing and all even though i had a busy week.

I had two gap years where i went traveling and worked in the weekends and all was great because i did my writing and drawing and i was happy just sitting home alone and actually do what i loved. But as soon as i came to college.. i don't fit in again and that makes me sink into myself like i did way back and i am having so many dark thoughts again.. I become anxious about the most stupid stuff... like the future? What if i don't want this education (graphic designer).. what shoud i do then? What if i get my education but i'm really bad at my job? Because in the future i want to live of my creativity but when i'm down and lost like this, i can't do anything.. i just sit around and can do nothing.. As soon as the reality hits me like this, i lose all the creativity in me and i just stop.. I just sit around and cry all day... How can i make it stop? I really want to do something with my life.. It dosen't really help that my parents says they want to support me no matter what but when i get an attack my mom just simply tells me to stop and my dad laughs at me..