Wide awake again - and I'm angry
Hello.
I have had insomnia as long as I can remember. Severe anxiety too. Even as a child, I would lay awake all night, night after night.
I'm angry. I'm angry I don't have a family that loves and accepts me. This isn't a misconception. I have secretly been dating the same man for almost ten years, because my family will not accept him. They are trying to force me into an arranged marriage because I am a burden. My parents cannot retire in peace apparently until I am auctioned off to the highest bidder.
All I want is a family that is supporting. Eats dinner when we see each other. Doesn't steal from me. Doesn't make me feel scared of them. Treats me like the adult that I am and have been for years, living on my own and supporting myself.
I can silently be married to a man of their choice or I can be disowned if they find out about my significant other. Odd as it sounds, I don't want to lose them even if they don't care about losing me.
I'm angry and yet I want to cry and be gone. I want to find a wormhole to step through and disappear into empty space where problems such as these have no place.
@brightTree5008
I have had that fantasy from time to time. If given a choice to step through a wormhole to another universe, not knowing what was on the other side, would you take it? knowing it could be tragic, glorious, or somewhere in between.
It sounds like you are in a tough spot. Your parents want you to marry someone, and you are secretly seeing someone else. You feel they will disown you if you say that you are going to marry the other person. Yet, if you marry who they condone, then will you suffer silently for the rest of your life?
It sounds like you might be from a different culture than I am from. My parents are poor, and they wouldn't have a say in who I married. Granted there are some things they would not accept, but ultimately it's my decision. I hope you choose what will bring you the most happiness.
Valerian root and other herbs can be helpful to promote rest.
@Darkseed
I would walk through that wormhole not knowing what was on the other side. The unknown has not terrified me. It is the known, the impending facts such as losing one family or another that agonize me.
Where would I find valerian root and what would I do with it for benefits?
@brightTree5008
I have had the same fantasy; if a wormhole opened up and would send me somewhere unknown, I would also step into the Wormhole accepting the possibility it could be worse or even possibly death.
Valerian is helpful to me to scatter thoughts. Sometimes, when I lay in bed trying to sleep my mind will go over and over and over again on anxious events. Rather than continue with the 'focused' thoughts, I find the Valerian kind of muddles the thoughts so they aren't as coherent or even noticeable, and then you fall asleep. Some people have noticed its relaxation effects. Valerian means strong, and it's because the plant root has a strong smell.
You can get Valerian root pretty much at any store. All drug stores will have it. Walmart, Kmart, Target, Dollar General, Family Dollar, health food stores, Kroger, Smiths, Albertsons... Go to the pharmacy or medication section in each store, and you'll see a row of vitamins and minerals for sale. Valerian will be among them. Of course, you can buy Valerian from Amazon with the click of a few buttons.