anxiety, work and life

Recently I’ve been thinking about how easy some people have it going about their normal lives. I try to hide my anxiety as much as I can, but when shit hits the fan, it’s hard to hide the side of me that panics and goes into the “flight” mode. I’ve so far been able to hold down a job, and with obligations I seem to be held down like a paper with a paperweight. But at times I wonder how sustainable this is, and with time, when more and more of my tendencies appear, or if I have an anxiety or panic attack at an unfortunate time, whether I might lose my job. I wonder if this semblance of a normal life I upkeep will fall apart - or rather, when - it will fall apart. Try as I might with meditation and herbal remedies and self CBT exercises, sometimes they aren’t enough. I would go see a medical professional, but it will affect my chances of insurance. I feel trapped, and frankly ashamed since I feel like I don’t have it as bad as other people do. I should be able to handle this.