conflicted

hi

so i feel overwhelmed occasionally when i'm outside, or just feel the fear that something is going to happen if i don't go home, (i usually blame it on fearing of losing my free time or my mom might get worried she very rarely does or something else i dunno i blame on petty and stupid things) but when i go home, i just worry that if i'm not in school that's all i'm gonna be, just rotting in front of my computer and fantasizing about being with a girl and feeling like absolute crap, like my life and death won't matter to anyone or anything. i don't know what to do half the time.