forever alone..

@noodlesandcoffee You're not alone! I've had a LOT of failed friendships as well. I was always left alone. I even thought I was cursed not to have friends. Not having friends to always rely on made me independent somehow. But it sure would be nice to have a few friends I can freely and comfortably express myself with.

As a person who has struggled with friendships for most of her life, I totally relate. I am so sorry about your past and the struggles you have. Taking small steps helps like having one conversation a day with one person and gradually increasing the amount of people/ conversations. Feel free to reach out to any listener if you ever wish to talk.

I've lost a lot of friends whenever i tried showing the real me. Now, i'm being too cautious on what i should act in front of them. Whenever we have fights, i'm always the first one who'll say sorry to the point that i'm getting tired of doing it ahin and again. That's why i have the tendency to be distant and never talk to them again because i was too hurt. I don't know if that's the right decision. Is it?

I have learned to keep things to myself. I always breakdown because of that. I find my problems not worthy to be told to some who i slightly trust. I can't fully trust people anymore. Even the friends that i have. I don't know if they are the real ones. But for me, there will be no one i can fully rely on. Some just know me as someone who's always nervous about things. That's the most that they can get about me because the people who i have entrusted with my life are slowly fading away in my life. I'm already preparing for it...

@noodlesandcoffee Hello! I have some very good friends but now I moved to a new city for work and I don't know anyone here. Even at work, I work with a global team so only 1 or 2 people are here physically, so naturally, I don't have anyone I can talk to. I am scared all the time and it is affecting my work badly. My team lead keeps telling my manager that I am too afraid to fail and too afraid to communicate and too afraid of everything. There were times once or twice when I did make a mistake but they all escalated it immediately for the smallest mistake and that has worsened my anxiety. I can't think for myself at times because I am just too afraid to even open my mouth. And it is not the same at the workplace that your colleagues have a chance to be your friends. You need to constantly watch what you are saying to whom. I am on a contract so they can terminate me in next 3 months if they don't see that I am performing. They want everyone to engage and talk and give suggestions which is the only thing I am afraid to do. To talk! And the fact that I was never such a person gets me so much that it again, worsens my anxiety. So even though I may not understand the friendship thing (I do though!) I can understand how never going beyond the small talk feels like. Like whenever my team lead says don't be afraid to talk, and I go "BUT I CAN'T TALK! IT IS NOT THAT EASY FOR ME" but all I do is just nod and say okay!!
I am here if you want to talk to someone. Everyone on this thread really! We can start from small tasks and work together to at least get this thing in check. The world only sees the extroverts as people who live their lives, but I don't want us to be missing out on life because of our anxiety and other fears! Sorry for the bigass post but yeah. Hit me up, people! Here for you!! :D

I understand that it may get lonely sometimes. Have you tried joining any clubs if you go to school?