moving on while in the fire

You know I had to let go. over time it just slowly became clearer over the years I cried because of you I felt anxious, held my stomach feeling like that was fine it started with doing little things you didnt like, eating dairy or gluten, hanging out with friends longer, being me instead of you.

that necklace you gave me all those years ago I put together the strength to take it off to start taking the mental chains off

. those nights crying alone thinking i was worthless because of your damage I cried next to someone who loves me I still cried it still hurt but i wasn't alone

Food I couldn't eat I had it a little bit but it made me feel like I was a horrible person every bite just as it felt exhilarating. sometimes I couldn't eat any food for days which was hard

I learnt to make friends and look out for myself
I learnt how to use a knife when you tried to stop me. for a period those knives were used for my arms instead of apples. I had to learn without you that my skin isn't for cutting my bed isn't for crying my face isn't for lying


really you were the reason I thought my skin was for cutting

I had to learn that a lot of the opinions id been guarding were not mine but yours and really I didn't feel that way

Learning how to be human wasn't easy it isn't easy but its so much better without being caged by you so much even if now you're still hurting me