self esteem getting worse

I am depressed and struggle with bpd. Self esteem is something really fragile for me. I spent years of my life believing i was the ugliest person alive, but last year it started to change and i started feeling like the most attractive person on earth (always on extremes), even though this self esteem thing is so fragile that i only felt that pretty cause i was spending money i didn’t have on expensive clothes and perfume. Last week i fell and hurt my chin, it really cut open and even though it’s healing fast, i feel like this is going to leave a small ugly scar. I know this is not a serious matter but i just wanted to feel pretty, i’ve tried so hard and i got there but now i’ll just go back to feeling ugly and wanting to stop existing.