wanted to get it out of my system

I had a break up 3months ago from a 8year long relationship.

I couldn't share with anyone how and triggered it to an end finally. It was something which i couldn't share with my best friend even or can't keep thinking.

This guy wanted to marry me, making me leave my permanent government job, and bring in dowry of 50lakhs so that he can make me study Nursing in Canada, where he got is PR.

Lockdown got enforced in March. Sex freak as he is. He used to have multiple one night stands with single women, couples. I can't describe how he manipulated me and the single women into bed.

As there were no hotels or any place to make out, it became hugely difficult for him to fuck around.

In May he forcible met my mother for fixing up marriage. My mother didn't like his demeanour. I met his parents in June, and they asked me to leave my job and move out with him for sake love. I asked them time.

After a week of this he made with a girl in an Airbnb and didnt let me know about it. Then he manipulated me that he's having extreme urges, and if i love him, there should be a ffm for it. i got ready it, despite my brain n heart practically killing my soul. He couldn't see it on my face.

He made me pay from my credit card all expenses, and there i saw him doing it with same girl with whom he was a week ago with the hickeys he had given her. After that, he put up a fight with me that i didn't perform well. Then after 4 days, i called him out, after having researched that he might need a rehabilitation n help. He threw a rage and tried again to manipulate that we can go to hotel again. series of altercations occured. i kept saying am suffering from smthing emotional anxiety, nothing reached his ears.

can't explain, how i felt, neither can i do now even after three months. pains a lot that i have no words to express.