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Confidence taking a beating (social anxiety)

User Profile: reservedCoconut9897
reservedCoconut9897 March 2nd, 2017

Hi guys,

I would genuinely love some support and guidance at the moment. I am a 29 year old man and I have suffered silently with social anxieties since my teens and I desperately want to break free from the grip that it has had on my life.

My biggest fear is being judged negatively by others. I am constantly wondering what others are thinking about me. Do they like me? Do I look bad? Do they think I'm weird Am I a walking joke? Is that laughter I just heard being directed at me? Why did that person smirk at me? -these are some of the incessant thoughts that I experience when in public.

Despite my anxieties I know there is an outgoing sociable person within me. I am naturally friendly and I enjoy being in the company of others once I'm relaxed. When relaxed I can be quite outgoing and chatty and people would assume I'm confident. But if I happen to be in certain situation and my anxiety spikes this all turns to tatters.

I do enjoy socialising with friends and I have several. But I find much of my social life revolves around going the pub and consuming alcohol. I know this is wrong. But I feel much more relaxed when drinking. I don't believe I'm an alcoholic. But I definately use it as a cruch at times.

I find walking through town or venturing into shops particularly difficult especially when I'm alone. When my anxiety spikes my voice shakes and this further embarasses me. Some days are better than others but generally speaking my anxiety is usually present. I tend to avoid the situations that cause my anxiety as it is mentally draining having to deal with it.

Very often I notice people giving me dirty looks when out and about. On some occasions I've noticed people laughing directly at me it's difficult to ignore and I know it's not my imagination. I feel it has alot to do with my appearance. I've been told I'm handsome which is nice. But I'm so insecure about my body. I'm rail thin and very tall. I'm aware I have a lanky awkward appearance which I loathe and further fuels my self consciousness.

Just last night as I visited a local pub with a pal of mine the security guy at the door immediately started laughing as soon as I walked by. My heart sank and it ruined my night. I think that incident fueled my desire to reach out to you guys today. I'm fed up and I just want to overcome all of this anxiety I feel.

Apologies for this long post but if there is any kind hearted person out there that could offer me some words of wisdom I would hugely appreciate it.

Many thanks,

M

5
User Profile: BlakeMac
BlakeMac March 7th, 2017

@reservedCoconut9897

Having lived my life "in your shoes" I know how painful such extreme social anxieties can be. Being a tad older ( between 35 and 100 ), I have, however, learned a few lessons on all those things our anxities have us convinced are true. They're not. If people are laughing when I enter a room it's because they are sharing a joke amongst themselves which has nothing to do with me. If I am a out and about and notice a person looking at me, rather than the "reasons" my anxietiy tell me which are all negative, it's just because we humans are curious social creatures and tend to check out others every now and then. I guess what I am really trying to say is that all those negative things we have convinced ourselves are true when it comes to being a social enviroment outside of our home, are really not true. The one truth when it comes to social anxities, is that we project our self doubts and judgements onto how we think we are perceived by others. Took me years to finally realize that contrary to what my anxieties are telling me, other people are too concerned with their own issues to be constantly noticing and judging me.

User Profile: CashCart
CashCart March 9th, 2017

@reservedCoconut9897 I'm just a kid in highschool but I find that I am relating to these anxieties that you have- I've never talked to anyone who understood social anxiety on the level that I feel it but it's good to understand that I'm not alone in this, not that I would EVER wish this upon anyone, just glad that I'm not the only one who feels this self concious, it seriously rules my life. I've been going to a new psychiatrist as my old one retired and she wants to work on not being so self concious and concerned with what other people are thinking, but I told her that I had a feeling this was going to be a lifelong struggle. It could definitely get better but I have dealt with it for the better part of my (admittedly short) life. I don't think there's much advice that I could give that would be of much use to you but I do hope you have a good day, week, month, season, year, and life.

User Profile: lovelyWhisper66
lovelyWhisper66 March 10th, 2017

I'm in my mid 20s, and I've had social anxiety since high school. It totally bites having such thoughts and feelings cling onto you as you try to socialize with others. Personally, I see myself as a burden to others as I don't have high self esteem. It has made me isolate myself from others and ruin many friendships.

Please know that you are certainly not alone in your struggles. S.A. may never go away, but it is much easier to handle knowing that there are others out there who emphasize with you. Please feel free to reach out with a listener or participate in a group discussion if you are up for it. We all believe in you; when others believe in you, that can help you believe in yourself. Best of luck out there mate; you can get through this. :)

User Profile: DavidBarker77
DavidBarker77 May 20th, 2022

I believe this could help : https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/1102011134

User Profile: SaireJameDavid
SaireJameDavid December 1st, 2022

@reservedCoconut9897 Hi I have some gifts for you to help in battling anxiety, please see below:


Source: Controlling Social Phobia

https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/101998523?q=social+anxiety&p=doc

A Song about battling Anxieties

https://www.jw.org/en/library/music-songs/original-songs/each-day-has-its-own-anxieties/?content=video

How to cope Succesfully with Anxiety?

https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/watchtower-study-april-2022/How-to-Cope-Successfully-With-Anxiety/

If the topic you want is not listed above you can check more helpful article about anxiety here: https://www.jw.org/en/search/?q=anxiety

Stay safe always <3 I love you, we love you, we are here for you.

----

Also some tips:

What makes you anxious?
Do the following statements describe how you feel at times?

“I’m constantly thinking: ‘What if . . . ?’ ‘What if we get in a car accident?’ ‘What if our plane goes down?’ I’m anxious about things that a more rational person wouldn’t worry so much about.”?—Charles.

“I feel anxious all the time, as though I were a hamster on a wheel running around but never getting anywhere. I’m working myself to death but not really accomplishing anything!”?—Anna.

“When people tell me that I’m fortunate that I’m still in school, I say to myself, ‘They have no idea how stressful school is!’”?—Daniel.

“I’m like a pressure cooker. I’m always worried about the next thing that will happen or the next thing I need to do.”?—Laura.

Fact of life: We live in what the Bible calls “critical times hard to deal with.” (2 Timothy 3:1) Because of that, anxiety can affect young people as much as it affects adults.

Is anxiety always bad?
The answer is no. In fact, the Bible says that it is right for people to be anxious to please the ones they love.?—1 Corinthians 7:?32-34; 2 Corinthians 11:28.

Also, let’s face it?—anxiety can be a powerful motivator. For example, suppose you will be taking a test at school next week. Anxiety might compel you to study this week?—and that might help you get a better grade!

A degree of anxiety can also alert you to danger. “You might feel anxious because you know that you’re taking a wrong course of action and that you need to make changes for your conscience to be at rest,” says a teenager named Serena.?—Compare James 5:14.

Fact of life: Anxiety can work for you?—as long as it moves you to the right kind of action.

But what if anxiety traps you in a maze of negative thinking?

A man helps a teenage boy find his way out of a maze
Anxiety might make you feel as if you were trapped in a maze, but someone with a different perspective can help you find a way out

Example: “My mind races when I think about the different ways a stressful situation could turn out,” says 19-year-old Richard. “I play the situation over and over in my mind to the point that it makes me very anxious.”

The Bible says that “a calm heart gives life to the body.” (Proverbs 14:30) On the other hand, anxiety can bring on a number of unpleasant physical symptoms, including headaches, dizziness, upset stomach, and heart palpitations.

What can you do if anxiety seems to be working against you rather than for you?

What you can do
Question the reasonableness of your anxiety. “Being concerned about your responsibilities is one thing; being overly anxious is another. It reminds me of the saying, Anxiety is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”?—Katherine.

The Bible says: “Who of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his life span?”?—Matthew 6:27.

What this means: Unless anxiety leads you toward a solution, it will only add to your problem?—or become your problem.

Take things one day at a time. “Think it through. Will what you are anxious about matter tomorrow? in a month? in a year? in five years?”?—Anthony.

The Bible says: “Never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Each day has enough of its own troubles.”?—Matthew 6:34.

What this means: It makes little sense to take on tomorrow’s problems?—some of which may never even become a reality.

Learn to live with what you cannot change. “The best you can do is prepare for situations to the extent possible, but accept the fact that some situations are out of your control.”?—Robert.

The Bible says: “The swift do not always win the race, . . . nor do those with knowledge always have success, because time and unexpected events overtake them all.”?—Ecclesiastes 9:11.

What this means: Sometimes you cannot change your circumstances, but you can change the way you view them.

Put your situation in perspective. “I find that I have to focus on the big picture and not stress over the details. I have to choose my battles and channel my energy into taking care of priorities.”?—Alexis.

The Bible says: “Make sure of the more important things.”?—Philippians 1:?10.

What this means: People who put their anxieties in perspective are less likely to be overwhelmed by them.

Talk to someone. “When I was in the sixth grade, I would come home from school very anxious, dreading the next day. My mother and father would just listen to me as I expressed myself. It was so good to have them there. I could trust them and speak freely to them. It helped me to face the next day.”?—Marilyn.

The Bible says: “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but a good word cheers it up.”?—Proverbs 12:25.

What this means: A parent or a friend might be able to give you practical suggestions on how to reduce your anxiety.

Pray. “Praying?—and doing so aloud so I can hear my voice?—helps me. It allows me to vocalize what I am anxious about instead of keeping it in my head. It also helps me to realize that Jehovah is greater than my anxiety.”?—Laura.

The Bible says: “Throw all your anxiety on [God], because he cares for you.”?—1 Peter 5:7.

What this means: Prayer is not a mental trick. It is real communication with Jehovah God, who promises: “Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you.”?—Isaiah 41:10.

When Anxiety Is Severe
Some young people suffer from chronic anxiety. For example, a teenager named Jenna says: “As a result of anxiety, I had a constant headache, I couldn’t focus, I would sleep for days or not sleep for days, I wouldn’t eat, or I would eat too much?—I was wired all the time. Very small problems seemed like mountains.”

When anxiety is prolonged or excessive, it might be good for you to get a medical checkup. That’s what Jenna did. “After receiving treatment, I can handle things better and I have control over my anxiety,” she says.

WHAT YOUR PEERS SAY
Carissa
“When I face anxiety, I pour out my heart to Jehovah in prayer. I can sleep well at night, knowing that the problem is in Jehovah’s hands?—and that’s the best place for me to place my life and my anxiety.”?—Carissa.

Samantha
“I always think to myself, ‘Why worry about things I can’t do anything about at the moment, or ever?’ I think about Jesus’ words at Matthew 6:27. This helps me to rely on Jehovah and listen to his advice.”?—Samantha.
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