Confidence taking a beating (social anxiety)

Hi guys,

I would genuinely love some support and guidance at the moment. I am a 29 year old man and I have suffered silently with social anxieties since my teens and I desperately want to break free from the grip that it has had on my life.

My biggest fear is being judged negatively by others. I am constantly wondering what others are thinking about me. Do they like me? Do I look bad? Do they think I'm weird Am I a walking joke? Is that laughter I just heard being directed at me? Why did that person smirk at me? -these are some of the incessant thoughts that I experience when in public.

Despite my anxieties I know there is an outgoing sociable person within me. I am naturally friendly and I enjoy being in the company of others once I'm relaxed. When relaxed I can be quite outgoing and chatty and people would assume I'm confident. But if I happen to be in certain situation and my anxiety spikes this all turns to tatters.

I do enjoy socialising with friends and I have several. But I find much of my social life revolves around going the pub and consuming alcohol. I know this is wrong. But I feel much more relaxed when drinking. I don't believe I'm an alcoholic. But I definately use it as a cruch at times.

I find walking through town or venturing into shops particularly difficult especially when I'm alone. When my anxiety spikes my voice shakes and this further embarasses me. Some days are better than others but generally speaking my anxiety is usually present. I tend to avoid the situations that cause my anxiety as it is mentally draining having to deal with it.

Very often I notice people giving me dirty looks when out and about. On some occasions I've noticed people laughing directly at me it's difficult to ignore and I know it's not my imagination. I feel it has alot to do with my appearance. I've been told I'm handsome which is nice. But I'm so insecure about my body. I'm rail thin and very tall. I'm aware I have a lanky awkward appearance which I loathe and further fuels my self consciousness.

Just last night as I visited a local pub with a pal of mine the security guy at the door immediately started laughing as soon as I walked by. My heart sank and it ruined my night. I think that incident fueled my desire to reach out to you guys today. I'm fed up and I just want to overcome all of this anxiety I feel.

Apologies for this long post but if there is any kind hearted person out there that could offer me some words of wisdom I would hugely appreciate it.

Many thanks,

M