Dating and social anxiety
Hi shy people,
I had a first date today. I definitely had a lot of SA, felt nervous before, and a lot of it was really awkward. This was also my first date after coming out (first lesbian date yay :) :) ) During the date, I tended to sort of retreat into myself and couldn't seem to say much, although I did make some effort to ask questions.
After the fact, I felt a little depressed and lonely, which is usually how I feel after a SA episode. I am trying to reassure myself that I did that best I could. I guess I felt lonely because of 1)feeling bad about myself for having SA 2) I felt separated from the person emotionally due to hiding a lot of myself. I think I wanted to connect on a closer level and say more of how I really felt. I'm not sure I'm interested in this person, and the idea of going on a lot of dates and somehow managing to get into a relationship still feels daunting. I plan to keep trying though and trying to take it one day at a time.
Interested to hear if others have similar struggles.
Love,
Day
@Daydreamer47
I've had a similar experience with dating, it's difficult to date with anxiety. I was on a date with a former girlfriend, and it was awkward to try and communicate, despite having been friends with her for years. You're not alone on this, I think one of the ways I began my journey on getting over my social anxiety was starting with little steps, and taking it one day at a time like you said. Now I can finally talk on the phone with my significant other, ask for ketchup, and communicate with people on a semi-normal basis.
I hope your journey goes well, and I hope that your next date goes better by your terms.
Sincerely,
Daisy.
@RubberDaisies Did you have no trouble getting a girlfriend though? Because that's what makes me feel most alone, that even others with anxiety like me or shy/awkward people seem to never talk about having a hard time getting one and have had relationships, so I feel like "what is wrong with me?" I experienced a lot of social exclusion ,and I often hated my friends who were in couples, because I felt shut out, both from them and from this mystical gated community of people in relationships who seemed to not want me. Like how did you know how to do that? If you can't talk on the phone how did you talk to her or ask her out? Or maybe she asked you?
@Daydreamer47
We texted for a while, and eventually she asked me out. But I had to keep repeating that I liked her for her to get the hint and it was so so so stressful and our first date was an entire panic attack.
@RubberDaisies hmm that sucks. but see for me, i would never even talk to that person at all. i would have a panic attack even about saying hello or giving the person my number at all or i would not even know i was supposed to give them my number. also maybe you met this person at work or school? i tended to avoid happy hours and the like where i would meet potential dates, so it just never happened at all. and if the first date was terrible, how come it just didn't end there? you must have followed up and had more dates right?
@Daydreamer47
My anxiety was so bad that she broke up with me after the first. The reason I gave her my phone number was because she was my friend to begin with, and she asked for it.
It was kinda terrible. I am a terrible dater.
