Dissociating: My social anxiety causes me to dissociate and it's ruining my life
Dissociation can be a great way to cope with thngs that bother you, to help you talk about and address it. However, this isn't coping. This is involuntarily running away and it is ruining my life because it's making it impossible for me to function.
I don't completely understand my social anxiety, but I do know it stems from at least 4 things:
1) The fear that I'm going to do something stupid on accident.
2) The fear that there will be an akward misunderstanding.
3) The fear that people are going to harshly judge me due to something stupid I did.
4) The fear that people are going to harshly judge me due to a misunderstanding,
And then these fears create this stress on me which then cause me to fumble and stumble and do exactly what I was afraid of doing. And then it just gets worse from there.
I have a horrible time acting on my feet and smoothing over situations when I know very well what's going on through other peope's heads, especially when you can see it on their faces and/or hear it in their tone. My mind immediately jumps to, "This is impossible and pointless. They'll never change their mind about this situation and me." And I feel this way because that has been my experience multiple times throughout life.
People get this impression of someone and they hold onto it stubbornly, especially when it's negative. It's like they just want to have a reason to hate you or think little of you.
When you try to explain the misunderstanding or how you're not always this stupid/awkward, they just scoff like, "Yea, right. Sure." There's something extremely discouraging about people implying you're lying when you're actually giving them the dead honest truth.
So, I cope with the stress of my social anxiety by involuntarily dissociating. It's possibe that it somehow started off as voluntary in the very beginnng by deciding to just ignore everything and eveyone, shutting myself away, but now it's like an instinctive defense mechanism. And I never realized I did this or how bad it was until now. I was aware of the feelngs I would have, but I didn't understand them. I didn't know what it was or why it happened. As far as I knew, this was completely normal.
When I dissociate, I zone out. I feel detached from my body. I don't care much about what's going on around me, only what I'm trying to focus on. Yet everything is so loud around me, it almost makes me jump. I almost cannot understand anything that's happening around me, being spoken to me, or even what I'm trying to focus on.
I feel like I need to concentrate on every action and word I make. This can cause me to freeze up, stutter and hesitate often, or come off as robotic. Usually it makes me seem like a malfuctioning robot. I won't even be able to do the simpliest of things, such as walk.
It's overwhelming and I often end up walking or sitting around in a state of shock.
This was all especially bad when I was working. Most easily available jobs are customer service oriented. That's always bound to have the most pressure, confrontation, and misunderstandings. It throws the worst people at you. You have to deal with the most bitter, self entitled, and judge mental people while also having to think on your feet to smooth things over.
The drama with my coworkers did not help. Sometimes it was caused by misuderstandings and other times it was unprovoked.
The anxiety of my job caused me to involuntarily dissociate horribly and ths affected my work performance which caused me more stress and anxiety. It was a vicious circle.
I have since quit my job and never looked back. I'm trying to find a way to function as an adult without the stress of having to socalize with coworkers and employees, because I have no idea how to stop this dissociation nor how to get rid of my social anxiety when it's not even an illogical fear.
@VidaliaTheOnionQueen
Hello!
This must feel so difficult for you. How long have you suffered for? Thank you for reaching out to us here :) we have a beautiful community with lots of support!
It sounds like you've got very intense social anxiety that is causing you many issues in your life and it must be SO exhausting. I've got a few tips, I hope they help.
1. Share
Hiding or suppressing anxiety actually produces more anxiety. The most useful step is to share your experience with friends and family, or even talk about them online to us or someone else that you trust. Many people often feel ashamed of their anxiety and can be incredibly reluctant to share it. The media often leads people to believe that mental illness is a weakness, which makes people less likely to admit to themselves and others what they are going through. We all have mental health and it is reported that up to 1 in 3 of us, will at some point experience a mental health illness and its okay to talk about it.
2. Breathe!
Your body is powerful. Learning the warning signs of when your anxiety flares up is important to help you take action; for some, this could be your body feeling tense and your mind feeling chaotic. Breathing exercises can help you control your anxiety. Having a steady breath has a direct impact on your heart rate and, in turn, your thoughts. Your heart will slow down as your breath does and as your breathing and your heart rate slow down your mind and thoughts will too.
3. Thinking isnt reality - try to put those thoughts into reality.
As much as it feels like anxiety controls you, anxiety isnt reality and you control your own reality. Its important to remember that social anxiety feeds on thoughts that emphasise danger and negativity. Symptoms such as a fast heartbeat and sweating emerge from this kind of thinking. Luckily thinking is a habit and can, of course, be changed. The cure isnt just positive thinking but realistic thinking. Try and examine your anxious thoughts such as ‘I am going to say something stupid they are often exaggerations of reality. Then try and produce thoughts that criticise and correct them. Also you could log how you feel in a thought journal to establish your triggers and mood patterns too?
4. Shift your attention
Anxiety has a way of grabbing your attention and turning it inward upon yourself, making you not only self-critical but suddenly noticing how your heartbeat has rapidly increased without your permission, meanwhile, you then suddenly feel yourself getting hotter, red in the face… sweaty… it feels like a domino effect that cannot be interrupted. But instead, try and focus your attention on what it is you may be doing, so if you are speaking to someone try and pay close attention to what they are saying rather than worrying about what the right thing is to say next.
5. Face your fears
Avoiding social situations, yes will make you feel better in that particular moment. But remember this is only a short-term solution which prevents you from learning how to cope and will make you avoid social situations in the future more. As out of reach as it might seem, facing your fears in small steps you will allow you to work towards the more challenging situations and will give you coping skills. If meeting new people makes you feel anxious you can begin by going to a party with a friend. You can then take the following step of introducing yourself to a new person. Remember, saying no will give you the same result each time. Saying yes, however frightening, means youre taking a chance and living your life.
6. Stop trying to be perfect
Its easy to forget that no one is perfect when we live in a world that aspires to achieve perfection. Its also easy to forget that not everyone will like us nor does everyone need to. Ask yourself do YOU like everyone (slim chances)? Its also often forgotten that its okay to make mistakes as it makes us human.
Can you think of ways to face your fear this week? If you have any questions feel free to ask me :)
