Embarrassing

helo three hours ago i gave an oral presentation for a class and its been 3 hours and i havent been able to stop crying, anytime i think about it, and i cant stop thinking about it, like i have not been able to function. i usually go to yoga class almost directly after that class but bc of my post presentation distress i would have ended up being late and really couldnt fathom the thought of more people LOooking at me if i walked in the door late. i dont know what the fuck is going on i have stuffed animals in my car and after i parked my car i stayed in there for such a long time bc i couldnt stop myself from crying and i also didnt think i would be crying for thaat long but then i was blowing my nose into my scarf bc i had been crying so long and i just kept wishing for my stuffed animals to be magical fairies that could reverse my entire existance

its just that i thought i had been doing so well. i overcame my eating disorders. i overcame my self-harm habits. i thought i was making progress in myself, thought i had been improving my self esteem, confidence, self-worth, etc. but this failure proves that i have made no progress in my 4 yr journey. i've like come full circle. i'm no more of a human being than i was in middle school and in fact i might even be less. this could proove that i have regressed, become an even more pronouncedly tragic embarrassment.

i can fucking talk and i can fucking talk in front of a group. today was horrible, i spent so much time getting ready and preparing and i am never able to actually be a normal ass person. how the fuck am i supposed to function in life when i clearly have nothing to offer