How could I stop being a loner ?
I am 23 year old guy and I have no friends. I have never been particularly social and it got to the point when I got used to being completely by myself all the time. I also overcame social anxiety to a degree but – I dont know, I feel like I am not accustomed to being around people it is just as if I became a total outcast. When I am at school I dont talk very much and I feel like people are not interested in socializing with a person that speaks sentence an hour and Im not even that socially anxious anymore I just dont have urge to talk so much. What should I do with myself ? Often I feel lonely and I chase that away with work, books or whatever...
@HuisClos
Why would you want to stop being a loner? You said you always been quite the person who stands out of a group. I've been like that my whole life too. Some people just aren't as social as others are. For some of us it's a struggle to be around many people, always hanging out at social events, giving our energy to outside things.
I think first you need to realize what is it that you want. You want a person with whom you can chat with, hang out with and someone who understands you? If yes, that doesn't mean you want to stop being a loner. Loners have a few friends but actually feel more comfortable when not being surrounded by many people.
If you instead want be more active, more in the center of big groups of people, maybe you just need to find opportunities that will help you meet new people. Either way, think about what YOU want, not what others tell you "should" or "shouldn't" do.
Being a loner isn't such a bad thing. It's important to realize what kind of things makes you happy and how you can survive when you are alone too. Even people with lots of friends need to know how to survive when being alone, with no friends or other people around. That is our default nature. Find things you love and don't be afraid to do them alone.
Feel free to write more about what is it that you feel more because I've put many things in this post and don't know which one is you haha! Hope this helps a bit anyway.
@cristiana33
I think I would like at least one friend.
@HuisClos
I don't need big social circle. One person would be enough for me. And I understand what are you trying to say about accepting my introversion/personality or what this is - I accept that.
@cristiana33 Right, being comfortable when alone is nice, but introvert is different from social anxiety which is very painful and involves things like racing heart and nausea in social situations, sometimes situations that are necessary for survival like getting a job. Of course it's up to individuals to overcome/face their anxiety based on choice and comfort. On the otherhand, since I have SA too, I sometimes get comments like this or "it's ok to be shy" which make me feel frustrated when I am trying to explain how painful the anxiety is and how I have goals to face it, and to me these comments feel dismissive of a lifelong painful struggle/illness or at least a lack of understanding. :( :(
@HuisClos hello ^^ i'm 17 and I feel like posting a reply because I can relate well to you. I was like that before. I used to have myself drown in books, enjoying me time, and felt 'content' in that way. But somehow there are always a time when I feel lonely. It's not that I don't have friends, it's just rare for me to spend time with them. But yes we are social animal. We need to socialize, communicate with other people. I think it should start with ourselves first. We should fully understand how to communicate with our inner self. And then we would find a reason why we should connect to other people. That was what came to me when I realized that I just need to 'go out' whenever I feel lonely, to take more steps, to meet people, and to listen more and appreciate them. <3
@HuisClos
Hi, I just saw this as I was looking through the forums on 7cups for the first time. Sometimes I feel like I have no friends, but I actually have a small number of close friends. Still, I often feel isolated around them when I hang out with them. It's like I'm always on a different wavelength than they are; I think it's because I get socially anxious around them and it's hard for me to open up. Sometimes I feel like I want to be by myself and completely isolate myself, but its really not the best thing to do; though it might give you temporary relief, we all need to be around people to survive, we need to feel connected to other people. Isolating yourself will eventually make you feel even more alienated and lonely. I think you should try to make friends even though its hard...I know I need to since all of my friends are graduating while I'm still in school (I'm 21 btw).
@kellyxu94 Yes I am the same way. I'm trying to make "exposure therapy" lists where I have goals about what I am concealing from my friends or what I wish they knew such as a personal story or something they said that bothered me. I often can only tell them through text or fb message, but it usually makes me feel better. For example if I go out and have a shitty time, I try to text my close friend something like "hey it was nice to see you tonight. sorry if i seemed a little out of it, was feeling shy." or something. it helps me to feel less alone.
@HuisClos Do you see a therapist? I think it would help you. I am trying to get a new one now.
